Plans

Well I suppose I have my next few weeks planned out. Tomorrow, golf T_T After that, watching Transformers on Sunday, FINALLY! And the next Sunday, watching Harry Potter with WY and the rest of the gang. And the Sunday after that, LOUD '09! I missed out last year T_T

Still, nothing could compare to the emotional high I used to experience whenever.. Blah.
Hopefully by the end of the year, and the end of school-life. I'll put it all behind me.

Like how Edwin said, Step 1 - Cut off all communication (check)
Step 2 - Throw away any possessions that link back to.. (not check)
Step 3 - Wait.. There wasn't a step 3.

The pain's still too numbing, I can't find any way to dull it. It only gets worse the harder I try.
What's the cure for depression?
Lol =(

Fatigue

Tired. Just got back from gym. At this time, only 5 hours 30 mins to go till FREE ICE CREAM. lmao. Not gonna explain it :D

Edit* There's not gonna be any warning. It'll probably be just like my previous and only other experience. One minute you're just minding your own business, maybe even sneaking a few glances at someone in paticular and the next, BANG! You can't stop thinking about that person. Guess that's just how it works.

Some people recover from blows they suffered almost instantly.. Others.. Never recover.

Flashback

I'm starting to wonder.. How did I used to be? The question popped into my head after WK said "You weren't like this in Form3. You weren't emo". Mmhmm.. Just goes to show how much people can change in a year. Or two in this case.

Starting to get images flashing in my head again. It's getting more often as well. Moment I close my eyes, I see.. Well.. That. Blah.

Just spent about 5 minutes re-reading old posts, from January and others from '08. Never noticed how fast time flies. It's been waaaaaaaaaay too long :(

Contemplating

Sometimes my posts just disappear D:! For awhile that is. Scared me a moment, refreshed page, relogged, it's back! :D

Felt it again, as though someone just knocked the wind out of me. It's kinda like being punched in the chest. And all it look was a glance at a name. Wow.

Mai Sam

It means "buy shirt" in canto. Why I put that as the title? Well, had an interesting convo regarding buying the correct shirt today. LoL. Tried speaking cantonese to Edwin. My canto is horrible D:

Reflecting

Well it didn't get me any more depressed, neither did it cheer me up.
I seriously have to find a way to stop though.
At this rate... It definitely isn't going to do me any good. The only problem is half of me doesn't want to stop trying, and that half is winning.

Dammit

WHY DO I ALWAYS GIVE IN? WHY CAN'T I RESIST?

I can feel it already, getting all cold inside. And the standard accelerated heartbeat. I said I wouldn't and yet here I am.

100th post

Wow, it's already my 100th blog post. Not counting xanga, just pure blogspot. Didn't think it's been THAT long. Time flies huh? Still remember the times I just started this blog cause of the lag xanga kept giving me. December '08, better days. Quote "Hello?! Do you know how much can change in a year?!". I second that.

I can imagine it already. Her dazzling beauty, I'd start stuttering, unable to string letters into anything comprehensible. It'll be just like before, except that this time, there is absolutely nothing good about this. It'll tear me apart, all over again.

Aftershocks

Firstly, hatred I once harbored for certain people is gone. It feels kinda good, like a weight's been lifted. Guess the only reason I held on to that hatred was the same one that held me together.

Secondly, I was wrong. I thought I'd easily grow numb to the pain. One minute, it's dulled and somewhat bearable. And the next, the pain intensifies comes back burning my soul inside. But I suppose it only comes back whenever I'm in close proximity. :(

I told myself I wouldn't care, but I still can't help worrying for the sake of another.

I'm starting to doubt myself. The question now is.. Will that once in a lifetime experience be worth the unbearable pain that follows?

Reminiscence playlist

Well, out of boredom, and other reasons. I've made a list of songs, well you get the point. Whoever sees the list would probably know what it's about. It's in chronological order, or at least I tried putting it that way.

Reminiscence
David Archuleta - Crush
AAR - Dirty Little Secret
Escape The Fate - You Are So Beautiful
Jesse McCartney - Beautiful Soul
Jonas Brothers - Please Be Mine (yes i know it's fagbros. but who gives a damn)
Red Jumpsuit Apparatus - Your Guardian Angel
Muse - Unintended
+44 - Make You Smile
AAR - Stab My Back
Daughtry - Breakdown
Faber Drive - Second Chance
Paramore - Here We Go Again
Secondhand Serenade - Fall For You
Daughtry - What About Now
Jesse McCartney - Just So You Know
Ryan Cabrera - Shine On
Muse - Endlessly
Sugarcult - Memory
Oasis - Wonderwall
Yellowcard - Light Up The Sky
David Cook - Time Of My Life
Papa Roach - Do or Die
Sugarcult - Pretty Girl (The Way)
Ryan Cabrera - On The Way Down
The Bravery - This Is Not The End
Paramore - Stuck On You
Papa Roach - Last Resort
David Archuleta - A Little Too Not Over You
AAR - Another Heart Calls
FM Static - Tonight
Paramore - We Are Broken
Yellowcard - One Year Six Months
Papa Roach - She Loves Me Not
Hoobastank - If Only
3 Days Grace - I Hate Everything About You
OneRepublic - Apologize
Madina Lake - One Last Kiss
Social Code - Forever Always End
Ryan Cabrera - She's
Daughtry - Over You
FFAF - Walk Away
Kate Voegele - You Can't Break A Broken Heart
FFAF - The End Of Nothing.

Tadaa. It's a friggin long list, I know. Hell to type. Ahaha. I don't give a damn no more. Suppose that's a good thing :D