Doodle #118 : Stand by

I'm fortunate enough to be granted a holiday today. Me, and the rest of the state of Selangor.

I've come to terms that holidays are almost always a double-edged sword. You can never seem to be able to make the most of them. Not when you're me at least. Sure, you're given a break from the usual conundrums, in what may come across as an attempt for repose. Yet despite this, there's always the lingering thought of assignments just hovering in your pre-conscious state of mind. As such, there's never ever any genuine possibility of slacking. The very notion of it is enough to send waves of guilt gushing all over me.

*sighs*

Some would say I'm a hypocrite. Well, to them I say, "Guilty as charged". I've a knack for going against my own words, being self-contradictory more often than not. It's not that easy to practice what you preach. Words were always easier than action itself, which is probably why people always said Action speaks louder than words. Personally, I feel that words speak more volume, if used in the proper manner.

Time to face the music, trying to say that everything's the same is nothing short of absurd. I can't keep portraying the procrastinator. It's high time I recomposed myself, and find a new direction. Things only get tougher as time progresses. Studies are only among my current worries now. I begin to doubt my initial resolve. It feels as though I'm being weighed down by illusionary burden, analogous to being plagued by a guilty conscious. I had never been that serious a person to begin with. Being in denial is the mind's first line of defense. It's always been one of my more infamous traits.

Yet, somehow I'm not that surprised. It's just like the old days. Same old cliche's, old habits die hard, some never change. If only it were as simple as flipping a switch, then life as a whole would be a lot easier. But that's life for you. To quote one of my lecturers,

Life, is the process of dying.

A ling that rings true. Every day, we die a little more inside. Pardon me, it feels like I've entered one of those monologous rants yet again. Now do you see the contrast between the intonation and backgrounds?

Should I find the resolve, I'll probably finish up the pieces. Though the words used may be different, the overall message wouldn't stray far from everything I've written up to this point. In hindsight, I had never really changed to begin with. It's been almost 2 years since I began writing, and I still need to improve.

Well, I ought to get back to writing the essay. This is what Psychology does to you, drives you insane. :)

Haha.

Kinoc, out.