I'm not alone

Cause you're everywhere to me.

Bio's over today, meaning there's only 2 subjects left for me to do in SPM, physics and chem.
It also signifies the end of another thing to me. Somehow, I couldn't careless. I'm kinda torn up inside again. Although for a very brief moment, everything seemed right. The pain ceased, the numbness went away and I felt all of the weight that's been on my mind just dissappear.

It felt good to be at ease, so at ease. I'm gonna miss that feeling.

Boy Meets Girl (And Vice Versa)

FM Static is awesome :)

Well, the past few days have been rather.. uneventful. Finally downloaded HS5. Stupid overlarge installer. Sigh. Well, it's fun to try out smth new after months of nothing but HoN. Doubt I'll ever get addicted, that's the last thing I need now. Just gotta wait till SPM is over, that's less than 2 weeks from now. Awesome, no? Also goes to show how time flies.

Feeling kinda weird now. This is the time whatever dream I had the night before should start making it's way back into my conscious mind. Okay, I remember now. Ouch, that dream hurt. In a metaphorical way, lmao.

HighStreet 5

Well.. I needed something new to try out. Getting sick of HoN, it's practically playing DotA.

And I'm also sick of MMORPGs. Cabal, Shaiya, blablabla. Takes way too much time to play.

Only problem now is HS5 overhuge installation file. 1.9GB. Epic shit, took me whole day to dl and I still haven't gotten it. Sigh. Tried an alternative method, but I highly doubt that'll work. No reply anyway, just what I expected.

EDIT : God I suck at this game XD

Stupidity

Sigh, my heart actually leaped for that stupid reason. Must resist.

Ouch, I felt that one. Right through me, again.

Come to think of it, I would actually get down on my knees and grovel. If I was asked to, I seriously wouldnt mind.

Through hell for you

Approximately 59 days left to go. Sigh, I have no idea it's already been so long. It's November for goodness sake! This time I shall stick to my resolve, 59 more days of brooding. Then no more. I WILL NOT TAKE ANY F*CKIN MORE OF THIS SHIT!!

Hopefully this time it works. A year each huh.. 1 for trying and another for brooding. Guess I should just put this behind me. Maybe it can be done, I'll no longer see whatever will trigger me to go into a state of.. subconscious hyperventilation. It'll feel good to finally be able to breathe properly again.. It felt like hell. What I went through. Although it may not be as bad compared to some people, to me it was the worst possible moment in life I had to live through. I've only been through it once and sure enough, I messed up horribly.

Once again. Take a deep breath, let out a huge sigh.

Listening to Two Is Better Than One by BLG and Taylor Swift..
"I still remember what you wore on that first day".. ironically I still do, white collared t-shirt, jeans. Yay, I'm letting everything invade the silent peace I had.

Additional Mathematics

was easier than I expected. Actually had almost an hour to spare after paper 2. Paper 1.. Lol no need say la breezed through. If I don't know how to do it, I don't see the point of stoning at the same question. So just randomly bullshit the 1st thought that came to mind.

There's a 4 hour break in between both papers. Yes, this is the part you exclaim your shock at the ridiculously long break. So went over to sam's place. 10 of us. To.. "study" add math 2. Strangely enough, against all odds, and a lot of chocolate, we did quite a alot.. Compared to normal la...

PIZZA FTW

Next monday.. will be THE LAST DAY. Sigh.. After years of knowing her, it'll be the last day I'll ever see her. Maybe it's a good sign.. or I'm just in denial again.

Private?

I'm thinking about making my blog private. Don't want random people to start reading the things I write here. :O

Just gonna think it over, and decide once I figure out how to actually make it private.

Let me know if you want to like.. be an invited reader or whatever you call it. Just in case I miss anyone out :)

Suddenly I feel sad.. Sigh.. Just realised that next monday will be THE LAST DAY I will ever see that person. Great Kino, just great. Look what you've done.

You're so selfish

I punch the wall as I break my fist. Papa Roach is awesome :DDDD

Back to reality, almost at the halfway mark of SPM. All that's left now is Moral, Add Math and the 3 Science subs. Been told to stop gping out early during almost every exam. It's not my fault I finish my exam fast. You're given a choice to go out for a reason.

Hmm.. This is strange.. My mind is blank.. Like.. Literally.. I'm just.. doing nothing :D

Listening to sad songs.. causes images of my past to flood back into my mind and I go into a depressive state. And yet.. I enjoy it.. The feeling of knowing you failed and there's nothing you can do about it. It just consumes me.. I never realised how 1 person could wreck me up so badly. Had I known.. I would have stayed away.

Agape

Agape is love that expresses itself through altruism, or making sacrifices for another person. Unconditional, self-sacrificing, active, volitional, and thoughtful love. The highest and purest form of love, one that surpasses all other types of affection, non-sexual affection.

Sadistic hope

Slowly, pieces of my memories are coming back to me. Guess whatever happened in the initial six months didn't register on my mind. I barely have any recollection of living through this year. Why'd I acted the way I did? I should have pretended that nothing was wrong. The very day after, it was still salvageable. But noooooo, I had to act all idiotic and talk in such an idiotic manner. It was the turning point, which sent everything that mattered in my life downhill. "I know you're emo now, take care" More or less that was the last phrase. Then came the silence. It was torturing, burning me inside. For days on end, the pain wouldn't go away. Of course, there was no way I could get in touch, t'was obvious I was being avoided. I kinda realised it after a week without the signing in message. She was about as addicted to the internet as I was.

At some point, I remember a time I attempted reconciliation. I remembered the apology, and the 10 second convo a few days after that. For a moment everything went back to normal. Then, it came crashing down again. This is the part I do not remember. I have no idea what triggered me to start being the one who's avoiding instead of being avoided. My mind's been telling me all sorts of things that I could use to piece into the situation. I could no longer tell right from wrong.

And then, that date came, the one I could never forget even if I wanted to. How could I when it's been etched so deeply into my mind? Was it 12 am..? Seriously hate it when I can't remember as well as I used to.. Oh.. Yeah, it was 12. I remember ignoring my parents and insisting on staying up. Then the reply came as I was about to fall asleep. I didn't anticipate one. I know that having hope was only going to hurt myself in the end. Maybe there was a tear in my eye, but it was one of the most relaxed I have ever felt when I read what was written.

Of course, sooner of later my mind just turned that whole thing around. I keep feeding myself with lies and deception, I fell right back into avoiding again. Somehow I convinced myself it was a lie and I would fall deeper into the trance. Either way, I was never out of it so there really wasn't much point trying.

Pockets of memories are still missing. Thinking back, I realised how lifeless I must have looked. Sigh.