The Time Is Now

It's do or die.

Starting tomorrow, it will be the toughest 10 days of my life to date.

Hobey ho, let's go.

Doodle #35 : Demeaning

There's nothing much to write on lately. In fact, I'm starting to lose inspiration and motivation to keep this up. Long gone are the days of overflowing ideas and whatnot.

Oh gosh, I can't even write a decently lengthed paragraph.

Arduous words are nothing but disdainful, as is the person who brought such words into my knowledge.

I'm starting to rant again. I really hate how when I have the drive to study, I'm being dragged all around the place, away from my books. When I don't, I'm cooped up at home, bored as hell.

Did I mention how much I hate it? I reiterate, I HATE it when my planning is interefered with.

As is my writing, I'm starting to hate the very way I phrase my words. They're getting so cliche'd and overused.

Peruse? Palpable? Benevolent? Vivacious?

I abhor them all.

Gimme Attention, I Need It Now

I wanted to use You Are The Only Exception as the blog title as nothing screams PARAMORE more than that line till I realized I had actually titled a post with that name awhile ago.

ANYWAYS..

You know what this post is going to be about. YEAH HUH

We, are, PARAMOREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Yes, I finally attended the concert of my life that I have been dreaming for since forever. Chance of a lifetime, and with me were Itianne, Prem, Samuel and Daniel. Thanks Sam for fetching us there and back ;D

We reached the stadium at 5pm, which was so early as the event is only scheduled to start at 8pm. The other guys went for their Meet And Greet, leaving me and Itianne.. to stone. Really awesome, no? Spent the few hours waiting, dawdling around and just exploring the place. What does one do in a time of boredom?

YOU TAKE RANDOM PICTURES!

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!





Itianne and my Rock Zone tags. (:

Yeah, bored. (:

When it was finally time to go in, we went over to the Rock Zone entrance and boy..

The crowd was HUGEEEE! In fact, later on when we all came out to grab a bite, we saw the line at the counter. It extended all the way along the outside ring of that portion of the stadium, easily could have reached halfway across. That's how long it was. I reiterate, epicly long line.

The opening act was already performing by the time we got back in. I think they were called Y2K if I recall correctly.

It was back to waiting after that.

Then, the lights dimmed.

The curtains came down, and the light show began.

Silhouette effects are nothing short of awesome. (:

The music blared, the lights shone, and the shadows of the 5 most awesome people I could name could be seen, behind the veil that seperated them from the crowd.

Ladies and gentleman, I present to you,



Hayley Williams.


Jeremy Davis.



Josh Farro.



Taylor York.

I apologize for not being able to snap a photograph of Zac Farro. Zoom wasn't enough. ):

PARAMORE, nothing else in the world mattered at that moment.

They opened with an electrifying performance of Ignorance. Whoa, the crowd went insane, or at least, I did. LOL. What a way to kick it off. Hayley William sings awesome live. Her vocals were so powerful.





They followed up with the killer opening with :
- Feeling Sorry (Brand New Eyes)
- That's What You Get (Riot!)
- For A Pessimist I'm Pretty Optimistic (Riot!)
- Playing God (Brand New Eyes)
- Careful (Brand New Eyes)
- Decode (Twilight Soundtrack)

6 years. We've been on tour for 6 years and I can't believe we've never been to Malaysia before. I wish America could see this. We travel all around the globe performing. We come here to find you guys waiting for us.

Predictably enough, the response was so much better when they played the songs that were normally aired on Mtv and radio stations. Well durh, after all those were the more popular songs, such as Decode. It was really nice to get to listen to some of their older stuff too. Those were some of their best songs. (:



After that string of performances, the crew brought out a couch from backstage. Sorry for the poor quality shot.

We stole this couch from backstage.

I couldn't stop laughing when Hayley Williams said that. They then went into an acoustic session spanning 4 songs, which I wasn't really expecting. I knew they'd dish out 1 or 2 but not 4. It was a nice surprise, a real treat for fans like me, I guess.

It's been awhile since we've performed this song. Let me ask you guys now, Who here has gotten our first album? *crowd screams* Well, this is a song from it, we really enjoy playing it.

They played Let This Go. Those of you who listen to them should know how awesome it is. I felt that their acoustic rendition sounded better than the recorded one. Well, normally all acoustic versions have a more soothing appeal but this, indescribable. Truthfully, I was kinda hoping for My Heart, all time favourite song.

After that, When It Rains, another song just so soothing and suited to the whole acoustic scene.

They even played Where The Lines Overlapped acoustic-ly. That, I did not expect, one bit. (:



Final acoustic song, wait for it, Misguided Ghosts.

It was time to pick up the pace again. CrushCrushCrush got the crowd hyped up. It was a nice change of tempo, fast to slow and back to fast.

Finally, came another one of my all time favourite Paramore singles, the very song which introduced Paramore to me and reeled me into the hype and awesomeness years back.

Pressure!

It was also during this song that Hayley Williams said,

"How many of you have been to a Paramore concert? *screams* Well, welcome back! *more screams* How many of you have NOT been to a Paramore concert?" *screams twice as loud as before*

WELCOME TO THE FAMILY!! Now that we have you sucked in, we are.. NEVER.. letting you go.

We. Are. PARAMORE!

I feel so inspired.

Every single song was electrifying, there wasn't a single moment of boredom nor tiredness. It seemed as though Paramore was seeping energy into the crowd, I was impervious to every form of fatigue throughout those surreal hours.

Next was Looking Up, from their latest album Brand New Eyes.

I guess the song came next was what everyone had been dying to hear. One of their latest songs from their latest albums.

Everybody, I want you to just take out your lighters, your handphones, or anything that radiates light, and sing along with me.

The Only Exception.

This was what I could see in the crowd above. A dazzling display of lights. The song and Hayley's vocals sent the crowd into a trancelike state.

That was it. For the main playlist. Then came the encore.

2 songs, both of which unforgettable.

They kicked off their encore with a solid performance of Brick By Boring Brick. (I just realized they all start with B)

That's it Malaysia. We love you guys, but before we go.. There is still one final business to attend to. And over here, there is only ONE business.

It doesn't take a genius to figure out their next and final song.

Misery Business. The stage lit up mid performance. I couldn't tell was I more stunned or dazzled.

One of the final moments of the night.

It was truly, unforgettable.

Bent and Broken's All I've Been

Have I truly stooped that low? I always known that I was never the high achiever, I never had a chance in the world to stand out as an ace nor to leave a mark. Never in my life had I expected to have made such a mockery of myself. The latest rounds of exams have seriously taken their toll on my confidence and resolve to study.

Each and every result that's been given to me so far has hacked away at my dying resolve and determination in my studies. What better way to kick off the day than to find out the essay that you wrote turned out abysmal at best. If there's anything that I take pride in when it comes to studies, it would be my essays. True, they are a farcry from anything that can be considered a work of art but still, there is a personal standard in which I place them against. I was never, and will never be, an accomplished writer with my lack of variety and overused cliche's and rhethorics. Maybe that break has actually left a huge gash in my writing skills or perhaps I had tried too hard on this essay for all the wrong reasons. I wanted to better that person, only to be pulled down, blinded by my own fury. Those days spent bickering was the only time I had managed to improve my writing and knowledge of grammar. To be honest, I regarded.. my adversary.. to have been a part of me, my other half when it came to writing. Guess that's gone now, along with that spark I used to have which managed to get me 23/25 then. The very sight of my Mocks essay nauseates me.

I need a Thesaurus, badly. I need.. that person.

Next came the most unexpected blow of all. A subject that I had highly regarded as one of my Top 4 subjects backlashed on me. It's one of those exams where everything goes smoothly and you finish it with a smile on your face thinking "That wasn't so bad" only to receive your results later. An abysmal 60 marks. Shocked wasn't even close to covering the agonizing numbness I felt. It got even better when I took a look at my internal marks for the second and last semester of my college life. I had been utterly defeated. My will has been broken, my resolve tarnished and my want, dissolved.

I messed up my essay, messed up my Bio and for certain I messed up my Maths.

Thankfully Phy was actually beyond my initial expectations, managed to score a 70. For a paper of that level, I have no right to feel unhappy about it. (:

It's no surprise if I end up messing up Chemistry too.

I really need that person now, everything used to be so easy. The stress literally melt itself away when I had a focus. Sadly, that focus had left me, both literally amd figuratively.

I'm not going to make it to Monash and live that dream. I'll end up a hobo, and a failure in life. At best, you'd probably see me selling roadside hawker food as I watch each and every one of my friends succeed in their education and life.

I failed. Studies, social, everything else.

Adam Lambert Glamnation Tour

Yeah yeah I know my post is quite late. Sue me. (On second thought, don't. It's just a figure of speech). For some reason I find it really hard, and tedious to post something up using my laptop. I've no proper access to my pictures leaving my posts pictureless as well as a slow connection. SADFACE :(

Truth be told, I was never really keen on going to Adam Lambert's concert. I literally forgot about the whole event till my dad called me up and told me that he had two extra DiGi sponsor tickets for me and a friend. Somewhat enthralled, I invited Jon along, since he had asked me for the tickets awhile back if I had manage to get it. I'd feel bad if I bring anyone else. Hah! :D

I'll just skip straight to the part we got there.

Aly then went to meet up with her friend and her ticket leaving me, Jon and Hong Ye to just.. Sit around and wait for other friends to show up. After awhile, we managed to find Kai Xiang, as well as some other friends. (Sorry, I don't really know their names *insert sad innocent face*).

The next hour was spent virtually stoning in the same spot, watching a digi blimp, or zeppelin, float around as we scrutinized its every move and its pilots remote handling of it.

DiGiLIVE!

That's when we noticed it..

PROTESTORS!

Yes, one whole crowd of them. They were handing out anti-homosexual flyers blablabla, details details. One of those flyers said "Smth smth smth aksi aksi gaynya." Aly actually exclaimed "Look! They don't have 'gay' in BM" LOL! After awhile, a guy walked up to us and started asking us a lot of questions.

"Why do you support Adam Lambert? Do you support gays?"

What a way to jumble two completely different issues into one. What better way to reply the way KX did,

"I just support good music"

Awesomely said. :D Oh dear me, I've gotten too into the events before the actual event. I know that line made no sense but I'll just skip ahead to the good bits.

We went in about an hour after the show started and completely missed all the opening acts but ah well. What really mattered was Adam Lambert! We were all in the DiGi Sponsor Zone which was directly behind The Pitt so it would suffice to say we were pretty close to the stage. There was a clear view of it from where we stood. We were smack in the centre, or centre left to be more precise in the stadium.

It was a pretty clear view of the stage from where we stood.

Waiting for the concert to start.

Bouncing Balls! No kidding.

The wait for the main event to start seemed like an eternity. When "Beat It" started to play as we wait, all of a sudden there was an uproar from the crowd behind us. We turned around and there was a Michael Jackson impersonater dressed in a shiny silver coat dancing.

Then everything just went dark. The crowd went wild, and Lambert showed up on stage and he kicked off the night with Voodoo. Needless to say, his vocals were awesome, and the crowd went insane.

Okay maybe we weren't THAT close.

I didn't bother taking more pictures cause I'd rather spend the time to fully enjoy the musical aspect of the concert.

After that, he sang For Your Entertainment, one of the few songs that I could actually sing along. Yes, I'm not very good with my Adam Lambert song knowledge.

He then sang Down The Rabbit Hole before he did Ring Of Fire. Yeap, that song with the Egyptian-like tune that he did in American Idol.

After that he sang :

- Fever

- Sleepwalker

- Soaked

- Broken Open

- Aftermath

- Sunfire

- Strut

- Music Again

According to Aly. Sorry Aly, I didn't know most of his songs and I was too lazy to look em up :P

Course, I was waiting for him to sing Whataya Want From Me, my personal favourite Adam Lambert song. I didn't have to wait long before the lights dimmed and the spotlight fell on him when he talked about the concert's real theme : Love.

The theme of tonight's show is love. My goal tonight is to show you that there's two sides to love; the dark side of love.. and the light side of love. The thing about love is that we all can feel love and no matter who you are, love is a privilege. Sometimes, you are lucky to have found true love in your life and for that to work, you just have to ask the right questions.

Inspirational indeed. Adam Lambert then did an acoustic rendition of the song which was, in short, awesome. :)

After a few more songs, he then finished off with an electrifying performance of If I Had You.

It was an awesome, awesome night. (:

Friendship is an Involuntary Reflex

Firstly, I'd like to start off by mentioning I do realize how long it has been since my last post, for me at least. It's just that I've been too lazy never been able to find time to conjure up an adequately lengthed post. That is exactly how monotonous and bland my life has been this past month, jolly good isn't it? Best of all, my computer's internet connection has just malfunctioned and went haywire. Yeah I know it's redundant to say both of them to describe one situation but what the heck. Why dwell on details? It's about time to get into the more recent events in my insignificant existance.

The latest round of exams are just over. Mocks are gone! This can only mean one thing, relaxation it's time to kick it up a notch and go full throttle for the upcoming WACE exams, otherwise known as my finals and/or external exams. There's only 2 weeks left to cover everything I've learnt for the duration of a year that sped by me way too fast. An arduous task at hand, you'd expect me to finally start getting serious.

Those of you who do, are dead wrong.

I can't say that the holidays were spent in the most productive manners but it was certainly an enjoyable one. It's a nice break from all the other sucky holidays and even worse holiday blues (yes, I do get those) in my life.

Dropped by college on Tuesday to meet up with Itianne to plan what was the day's itinerary. The original plan was to head out to Pyramid with the rest of the family as it was the single most fun and not repetitive accessible place to all of us. However, most of them couldn't make it, which left us rather.. What's the word for big group turned into small? Never mind. The point is that there were only 3 of us left for the day's outing. Me, Itianne, and Amanda (a.k.a. Your Highness). Managed to cram in an hour of Phy revision before Itianne came. Yeap, there goes all concentration for studying, and it was only 8.30AM. Apparently, the queen was still in bed, so we just killed time till she got there.

Once Amanda came, we got into discussion mode, or rather, Itianne and I did, and we turned Amanda into our chauffer for the day and headed off to 1U. It certainly was a welcome change to our already very worn out and routine trips to Pyramid. Even got directions to Amanda's place for Thursday's trip (which turned out really helpful for I would have gotten lost without em), so I'd consider it.. what's that cliche'd line? Right, killing two birds with one stone. (:

The last time I've been to 1U was.. ages ago, I can't even remember it. The place has changed a lot since then, or maybe it's just me. Walked around spending the entire morning buying windows with Itianne and Amanda. I think a great bulk of the morning was spent in MPH reading random books. OMGOSH they have two floors of books *drools* Me wants!! Probably the first time I had stepped into such a big bookstore, truth be told, I was rather dazzled at it's size. Miss Lee, predictably enough ran towards the culinary section and no, I'm not exagerrating it :) Sadly, I didn't bring much cash out, couldn't buy that war novel I had set my eyes on for it would have rendered me rather broke for the rest of the day.





Took a picture of the park outside MPH. D:

Walked around a bit more before it was time for lunch. Itianne was attempting to find a dress that Amanda can pull off yet will never wear. If I recall properly, I think we did.

And why are suits so expensive? ):

Lunch was at.. I can't remember. I seriously can't recall the name of the place.





Trying to decide on what to eat.





Miss Lee. (:





Oh there's the name of the place!





My not so successful attempt at imitating Itianne. D:





DESSERT :D





Nice lunch indeed!

Once our stomachs were satisfied, we went back to walking around. Got myself some coffee from Coffee Bean before we left the place and headed back to Sunway.. Pyramid! LOL. I can't remember exactly how long we were at Pyramid nor what we did but we went to Popular and just sat around reading books for well over an hour.





The three of us (:




Miss Yip engrossed in her book.


So I finally got around to transfering the pictures of my laptop. :D

A Lost Cause, Me

I've hit a new low in my life. I never thought I'd reach this point.


My life has always revolved around stumbling and the struggle to pick myself up. It had always been one obstacle after another. I fumble my way around the first and get smacked in the face by the second before I even had a chanec to regain my footing.

No time for rest, no time to take in the beauty of life, no time to just admire the chance to live.

It had always been pain after pain without any pause in between. It seems that everything in my life was a mere illusion, fabricated by my heart's deepest desire for happiness.





The road ahead of me is paved with uncertainty.

I've hit crossroads again. I no longer now what I want to do with my life. All it's ever done for me is bash me up time and time again, relentless in its endeavour to maximise the damage on me.

People always make it sound so easy.


"Don't worry, be strong. You need to live through the storm to see the rainbow"

Let's not forget the overused cliche'


"Every cloud has a silver lining"



Yeah right, everything in life is that simple. I used to believe such words, hanging on to the thinnest shreds of hope that lie within my barren soul. I was so naive, I think I still am. To think that every silver lining in my life is enshrouded by clouds, it's a painstaking effort to clear my thoughts and face reality. I used to like clouds, how they seem to give life to an otherwise lifeless sky. A lifeless sky.. Odd, it kinda reminds me of my soul. Lifeless inside and devoid of emotion.


Everything in my life has been a curse in disguise. One way or another, everything holding my life together will collapse onto itself, bringing me with it. Those who had taught me to cherish life were always the very foundation of my fall. You'd think I'd have learnt my lesson by now, maybe I have. Closing your heart to others might be the only way to protect it. Some deem my actions cold, define cold. I've already screwed up so much in my life it makes no difference if I just severe any remnants clean off.

Nothing has ever gone my way before, I don't think anything ever will. That's just how my life is. The past two years have proven more than this, every path that I can walk will eventually lead me to a dead end, no matter what aspect it comprises in my life.

Fate. Why are you playing around with me? You always lead me down the brightly lit path before sending me plunging into the depths of despair. You open a door for me and slam it in my face as I approach it. You show me a new light only to snuff it out when I start to have a new outlook on life. Do you hate me so? What have I ever done to you? Is this your way of punishing me for whatever sins I've done in my previous lives? As much as you hate me, let it be known, I hate you more.

Smiling seems to be the hardest thing to do right now.


Regardless, I'll take a potshot at it. The final shot. There's nothing in my life to lose anymore. I've lost the one thing dearest to me, hope.

Restoration

Am I just over-thinking it? Or are the similarities just too striking to be passed on as mere coincidence?

Went to college today for lunch with Watson, Jing, Marcus, and his girlfriend. Well, I won't really consider it lunch, it was more of dessert. Then again, Snowflakes is so filling it might as well be called lunch. YES! I went there, AGAIN! I think I'm just addicted to that place. Did some family bonding over dessert, what could be better? :D



The Tai Siu Jie of the day, Cornelia Watson <3

Jing and Watson.

Picture within a picture.

MILKKKKK

It was back to college, *glaces at watch, 2.30ish pm* Attempted to study for a bit since Watson wanted to go out for dinner. I happily obliged, but that left me with a 2 hour interval with nothing much to do. So, off to the library!

Managed to pass about 2 hours trying to do Maths, which I failed in. Turns out I'm way more unprepared than originally thought. This does not bode well. Meh.

Thought I'd grab a snack or a drink so I hopped over to the cafeteria. What'd ya know? Ran into Amanda, who quickly took the chance and made me help her out with some work. LOL, not that I'd complain. In a way, I was dying for something to do.

When it was finally 6pm, waited for Watson and Jing to pop up again before heading over to Pyramid. I even managed to drag Amanda along. Kinda.

Dinner at Manhattan's Fish Market! Oh Marcus, why did you not come along? ):






Once everything was over, had to chaperon everybody home. Even 2 of Amanda's sisters. Ah well.

All in all, pretty darn awesome day. (:

Reaching Out

Sometimes you don't have to think or contemplate, you just follow through.

Life is too short, time flies too fast. It's pretty pointless to sit around and ponder upon every little choice you make in life. Sometimes you just have to follow your guts, even though it may be dragging you along on the floor. Thinking never made anything simpler. In fact, it complicated everything. How I wish I could think less at times. Gosh, I feel like an idiot, somewhat.

Perhaps it's the stress of exams that's finally dawning on me. My mind is never really where it is. I blank out at times and lose track of basically everything. Two exams are over at this point, neither of which am I expecting significant results. On the up side, there's only 3 exams left, 2 of which would be conducted the coming Monday.

It feels like running into a brick wall, at full speed..

I still haven't found that niche, the place for me. Devoid of direction and motivation, I lie amidst my fears and doubts, those of which has accumulated into a bulk of the perpetual shroud that envelops me.

I need to focus, on studying.

Somebody tell me how.

Everything seems to be stacking onto each other lately. Coincidence, or something more?