My life has always revolved around stumbling and the struggle to pick myself up. It had always been one obstacle after another. I fumble my way around the first and get smacked in the face by the second before I even had a chanec to regain my footing.
No time for rest, no time to take in the beauty of life, no time to just admire the chance to live.
It had always been pain after pain without any pause in between. It seems that everything in my life was a mere illusion, fabricated by my heart's deepest desire for happiness.
The road ahead of me is paved with uncertainty.
I've hit crossroads again. I no longer now what I want to do with my life. All it's ever done for me is bash me up time and time again, relentless in its endeavour to maximise the damage on me.
People always make it sound so easy.
"Don't worry, be strong. You need to live through the storm to see the rainbow"
Let's not forget the overused cliche'
"Every cloud has a silver lining"
Yeah right, everything in life is that simple. I used to believe such words, hanging on to the thinnest shreds of hope that lie within my barren soul. I was so naive, I think I still am. To think that every silver lining in my life is enshrouded by clouds, it's a painstaking effort to clear my thoughts and face reality. I used to like clouds, how they seem to give life to an otherwise lifeless sky. A lifeless sky.. Odd, it kinda reminds me of my soul. Lifeless inside and devoid of emotion.
Everything in my life has been a curse in disguise. One way or another, everything holding my life together will collapse onto itself, bringing me with it. Those who had taught me to cherish life were always the very foundation of my fall. You'd think I'd have learnt my lesson by now, maybe I have. Closing your heart to others might be the only way to protect it. Some deem my actions cold, define cold. I've already screwed up so much in my life it makes no difference if I just severe any remnants clean off.
Nothing has ever gone my way before, I don't think anything ever will. That's just how my life is. The past two years have proven more than this, every path that I can walk will eventually lead me to a dead end, no matter what aspect it comprises in my life.
Fate. Why are you playing around with me? You always lead me down the brightly lit path before sending me plunging into the depths of despair. You open a door for me and slam it in my face as I approach it. You show me a new light only to snuff it out when I start to have a new outlook on life. Do you hate me so? What have I ever done to you? Is this your way of punishing me for whatever sins I've done in my previous lives? As much as you hate me, let it be known, I hate you more.
Smiling seems to be the hardest thing to do right now.
Regardless, I'll take a potshot at it. The final shot. There's nothing in my life to lose anymore. I've lost the one thing dearest to me, hope.
No comments:
Post a Comment