Pieces of the Puzzle

The cold shoulder, the sudden disappearances, the text mistakenly sent to the wrong person, the way he tried DELIBERATELY stood right between us. Bits and pieces of the story are slowly being pieced together. I seriously hope that I just took all the wrong pieces, cause the overall picture.. is just plain saddening.

Day 57 : This, is My Story.

A friend of mine asked me a pretty interesting question the other day. It kinda got me thinking.. I knew what the answer was, but I just couldn't find the words to voice them out or even structure them in any coherent sentence. All I could manage were a few stutters and "I just do". Course, that was nowhere near the actual depth of what I actually felt. Guess I'll stick to what I do best. Writing them out, where there's nobody watching me, anxiously waiting for my response. Yes, I collapse under pressure, especially when I have 2 pairs of eyes glaring at me, just waiting to pounce on my answer. D:!

She's like the shining light amidst my darkness. Ever the bubbly one, never to show her discontent or unhappiness. She's a good listener, patient, ever willing to help out whenever I'm stuck with any problems. She's lovable, so fun to bully :), radiating a feeling of warmth that's just so fun to be around. Being around her makes me feel at ease, as though all my problems disappear. Her sense of humour is like no other. She's always been able to make me laugh, although sometimes she can be a bit.. blunt, which can really hurt. Course, she hardly ever means to offend. In short. she's unique, special, different from everyone. No words can sum her up :)

That.. is just the tip of the iceberg. Much better than that inadequate response that day. Right?

Niama, Pi Li Ann. How's that for a reason?



Completely unrelated. It's 85% confirmed now. Hatred mounts.

A Wall Between Us

Feeling like this could only mean I'm sinking. The same things always happen when you're gone. All of these clouds are following me in my desperate endeavor to find my whoever, wherever she may be. It keeps me here when all I wanna do is dissappear. I still remember the time where this all felt like a dream. We held the world out in our hands, and you ran away. If it's a broken heart, then face it. I won't get used to this. If I say I'm okay, I'm also a lier. Even if we can or can't be friends, I'll be with you till the very end. Sometimes I wish I'd never met you. I need an ending, so why can't you stay just long enough to explain.

-Misc lyrics.

I'm beginning to think that my fears are not that far-fetched after all. It doesn't take a food to put all the pieces together, misfitting as they may be. The times she acted so distant, the doubts, the way she often held back. Something was up. There's an awful feeling in my gut, then again it had never been right before. Of all times, please don't be right now.

It used to feel so at ease, so comfortable, so.. right. Where has all of that gone? Life, love, laughs, they start to swirl in a never ending whirlpool. The line between everything is blurred. I'm starting to lose sight in everything that means anything to me, faith is slowly fading. Falling apart, as each piece of my soul falls into darkness, again. Only this time, the very reason why I'm falling might be the most painful one of all.

You brought me out of my suffering. You taught me how to live life with a smile. You taught me how to laugh like I really meant it. You brought the very best out of me. Now, you've driven a blade straight through me and left me to bleed. To die, a pain, slow and agonizing death.

Both sides of the story in my head conflict, waging a never ending war. One tells me to push on, the other tells me to drop everything and move on. Neither wants to give in. You pull me in, then you push me away, fueling my doubts, my agony. You hold the answers I need, but fear has me in a deadlock, keeping me in place, immobilized and unable to voice out my deepest thoughts, my most sincere feelings, the depth of my affection towards you.

This feeling runs deeper than anything in the world. It binds me to you, stronger than gravity. I would drop everything else, just for you had you asked for anything.

Nothing beats the feeling of your soul running through your entire body, as you really pour your heart out while listening to depressing songs.

My Mind is the Scene of the Crime

Ever had a secret that you could tell NOBODY in your life? Not even your best friend? What if he or she was the very cause of it?

Reality or just a figment of your imagination? Dreams, intentions, secrets, all harbored by the heart can torment one's soul. It strikes within you, cutting deeper than any blade ever can. Of course, each and every individual has their very own secrets, personal vendettas that need to be settled. Crimes one would perpetuate if they had the means to escape with it. Gunshots fill the air, horns blaring in the distance, the sound of glass breaking as they're stained with blood erupt all over. Sounds like the scene for the perfect crime.

Now most of us would refute that they had deep dark secrets, picturing themselves to be untainted. Who would go against being the perfect person anyways. Nevertheless, I am no different. Who knew, that secretly, beneath the illusion of normality that I secretly want to "get rid" of my best friend.

Through the eyes of most people, we would have seemed like the best of friends. We laughed, we hung out, we shared inside jokes with each other. I was kind of like the "distant" kid way back in school and he was kind of too. Being friends meant keeping a delicate balance, and we managed to work it out and have been inseparable since. Through thick and thin, we've stuck together, watching each other's backs.

However, lately he's been acting strange towards me. We're no longer as close as we used to be and slowly I noticed everyone drifting away from me, treating me like an outsider. I did some snooping around and some people have told me that he's been spreading rumours behind my back. Hearing that stunned me. It hasn't been proven yet but I'm starting to doubt him. I have no idea why he would treat me in such a way as I've never wronged him before in my life. The facts hasn't been confirmed but my trust has been shaken like never before.

I never want this thought to be stolen, to be leaked out where people will judge me for being too paranoid.

Leonardo DiCaprio in Inception. Now for a brief plot summary, otherwise known as a synopsis.

Dom Cobb (Leonardo DiCaprio) is a skilled thief, the absolute best in the dangerous art of extraction: stealing valuable secrets from deep within the subconscious during the dream state when the mind is at its most vulnerable. Cobb’s rare ability has made him a coveted player in this treacherous new world of corporate espionage, but it has also made him an international fugitive and cost him everything he has ever loved. Now Cobb is being offered a chance at redemption. One last job could give him his life back but only if he can accomplish the impossible—inception. Instead of the perfect heist, Cobb and his team of specialists have to pull off the reverse; their task is not to steal an idea but to plant one. If they succeed, it could be the perfect crime.

But no amount of careful planning or expertise can prepare the team for the dangerous enemy that seems to predict their every move. An enemy that only Cobb could have seen coming.
This summer, your mind is the scene of the crime.

This post is entirely made for the Inception entry contest. No material was meant to offend anyone in any way (:

A World Of Chances

1, 2, 3.. It's the third time round and I still haven't learn my lesson. Some things are better left unsaid, I should stop snooping around, for my own good.

Day 52 : Templates

Just skimmed through the new "Design" function from blogspot. Found a pretty interesting one which kept the whole dark theme interesting but without the overflow of gloominess like my current blog template. Then again, I don't wanna change it if it might affect the whole Nuffnang thing and cause the whole ad thing to get stuck all over again. So I guess I'll just leave it for now.

Physics tomorrow. My very LAST paper for EE 2010. And so we go (:

Day 51 : Give Me A Sign

"No hope, just desperation
So sit and wait for death
And pray it takes you soon.
The addiction’s taking you." - BFMV

Jealously mounts, stretched to breaking point. Sometimes I wonder why am I still on talking terms. One minute it's all friendly and the next the very sight of that person makes my blood boil. I can't tell. Maybe I'm just exaggerating the situation again, but I don't like him one bit.

It hurts. A lot. Everytime, it feels like a knife is being stabbed right through me, plunging my heart right into the centre of darkness. Brief it may be, but I can't help but lose myself everytime it happens. Feels like I'm falling into the same old cycle, only this time it's much much MUCH worse. (Wow, and there I was a year back thinking I couldn't fall any lower)

It feels just like a rollercoaster, there's up and downs. Only that the downs are really really steep and the ups are.. almost nothing. ):

I've lost count how long it's been already. I'm just so tired. If I could, I'd distance myself. Completely. But alas, I'm stuck here, torn between wanted both less and more. Funny how it works, how I feel is indirectly affected by that. If it's good, my mind soars. If it's not, I take the pain, amplify it tenfold, then inflict it on myself.

Am I nothing more than a mere distraction to you? A decoy? A person to turn to only when there's absolutely nobody else around? Insignificant, unimportant and completely disposable? If you want me to stay, tell me. If not, just say the word. I'll vanish completely and never show my face before you ever again.

I wanna walk away, but something in the back of my head tells me to stay, and keep trying.

Day 48 : Change

Sadly, won't be able to make it to the premier screening of ToyStory3 by NuffNang on Monday. Ah well. :(

Day 47 : Chain of Events

The time is now, the second biggest examination of my AusMat life.. begins now. EE started today. EALD was the first in an attempt to massacre those who took it. Okay, perhaps I've exaggerated. Garh! Where's a THESAURUS when I need one?! Anywayyyyyyyyyys...

I don't think it was that much to be stressed over. Sure, I may have used mediocre language every now and then but what's done is done. Plus, I never read up anything for EALD, something I kinda regret now. Should've brushed up my Australia section for the Task 2 booklet. Jo Keat, you should have NO PROBLEM tackling Australia, no? Somehow it felt kinda nice to be sitting for an exam, (yes, if you wanna hit me.. dont) after all it's been quite a long while since the previous one.

After EALD, gathered up and headed for AC. Yep! AC, the place next to Taylor's. Me, Limei, Itianne, Amanda, Jo Keat, Gazi, Prem, Melvin, Jack, Steven, and Marcus. Traffic was horrible to say the least. Took ages just to get there. Parking however was a breeze. Rm6.00 T.T! But then, t'was worth it.. was it? :) Makan, pool, taught a bit of Chem, and even ran into a friend.

Yeap, pretty good day :)

1 down, 4 to go. Next to fall, CHEMISTRY! YOU'RE GOING DOOOOOOOOOWN! :)

The Unfeeling Artic Breeze

Slosh slosh slosh..

The sound of raindrops fill the air. The smell of it fills the air, and engulfs your senses. It makes a distinctive Slosh sound as it hits the ceiling, the windows and whatever surface around you. It turns the air cold, sends shivers down your back. Ah yes, I can't say I love rain any more than that.

Soaking wet from walking in the rain. I just couldn't stand the notion of being in that place any longer, I had to get away. I looked to the distance, the rain just went on and on for miles. I took a deep breath, tossed my jacket over myself and just started walking. My mind blanked out, but I kept placing one foot in front of the other. I didn't want to turn back, I never did. The rain was never ending, every step I took caused me to get soaked even more. Shelter wasn't far now. I looked up, the lights turned red. Oh great, just my luck. Thankfully traffic wasn't heavy, had to stand still less than a minute. Finally reaching my car, I took a moment to contemplate, then set off.

Some say the rain is chilly. No matter how soaked I got or how strong the wind was. Nothing comes close to the icy heart beating inside my chest.