"No hope, just desperation
So sit and wait for death
And pray it takes you soon.
The addiction’s taking you." - BFMV
Jealously mounts, stretched to breaking point. Sometimes I wonder why am I still on talking terms. One minute it's all friendly and the next the very sight of that person makes my blood boil. I can't tell. Maybe I'm just exaggerating the situation again, but I don't like him one bit.
It hurts. A lot. Everytime, it feels like a knife is being stabbed right through me, plunging my heart right into the centre of darkness. Brief it may be, but I can't help but lose myself everytime it happens. Feels like I'm falling into the same old cycle, only this time it's much much MUCH worse. (Wow, and there I was a year back thinking I couldn't fall any lower)
It feels just like a rollercoaster, there's up and downs. Only that the downs are really really steep and the ups are.. almost nothing. ):
I've lost count how long it's been already. I'm just so tired. If I could, I'd distance myself. Completely. But alas, I'm stuck here, torn between wanted both less and more. Funny how it works, how I feel is indirectly affected by that. If it's good, my mind soars. If it's not, I take the pain, amplify it tenfold, then inflict it on myself.
Am I nothing more than a mere distraction to you? A decoy? A person to turn to only when there's absolutely nobody else around? Insignificant, unimportant and completely disposable? If you want me to stay, tell me. If not, just say the word. I'll vanish completely and never show my face before you ever again.
I wanna walk away, but something in the back of my head tells me to stay, and keep trying.
No comments:
Post a Comment