A few things suck today.
First, look below and read my blog post.
Second, I got stalked by Jia Wei back from tuition.
Third, I feel fucked up and shitty.
On the bright side, NO FUCKIN NS!
One minute I'm dying of anxiety and the next I'm too excited.
Two things left to say.
- This is not the end.
- She slipped away like a fistful of sand
The Bravery.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
OMFG
Currently dying of anxiety, waiting for the sms confirmation about NS status. So many people didn't get chosen, lucky them. So far only Joel and Jon are confirmed.
I was like WTF?! during chem when Joselyne told me. Omg lar. Going to die if I go, of starvation and gawd knows what. It's been more then 5 f'in mins, WHY HAVENT I GOTTEN A REPLY?!
I was like WTF?! during chem when Joselyne told me. Omg lar. Going to die if I go, of starvation and gawd knows what. It's been more then 5 f'in mins, WHY HAVENT I GOTTEN A REPLY?!
Not in me, it's in you.
I knew this was coming, sooner or later. Guess it's the fall now, any trace of euphoria I had over the weekend had vanished completely. And turned right into the opposite, depression, blablabla. Every single time the fall is about two times greater then the climb. Maybe this will be the last, I seriously hope so. I don't know how much longer I can hold it all together.
I never did anything wrong, I just never got anything right. The only thing I ever did was screw up my life. Somehow I always manage to bring out the worst possible outcome of any event. I'm sorry for all my actions although it doesn't really mean anything now. I'm sorry for the time I acted so distant towards you, and also for the times I got too close. I know I can be a fuckin' retard at times. If you're reading this you know who you are. Guess I just needed a really hard slap in the face. Not literally though, but it hurts just as much. I hate it when it feels as though my chest is being weighed down by invisible burdens and sorrow. You probably didn't know it then, and you probably still don't. I know that you never meant any harm, but I just got too caught up in my thoughts I brought out the worst possible meaning of every sentence you had ever said to me. And I apologize for ever bringing you down or being a burden to you, just being who I am.
Well, I should probably write everything else down somewhere else and just bury the file, as I've already done earlier with another post. Gawd, that one was looooooong. Lillian's right, write it all then bury it somewhere never to be seen again. And with that, I'm finally going to stop trying. I probably already did, but I'll do my best now. It's going to take awhile.. But.. Who knows.. I'm waiting for my next two weeks of peace, just like the two thought-free weeks I had last year. However, it still remains, to date, the very best years of my life. Guess I'll never be able to keep my end of things, although I'm sure you've already forgotten everything.
Sometimes, I hate myself for ever picking up guitar, which indirectly landed me in this.
And, I fuckin' lost at least 50% of my thoughts I had wanted to include in this.
EVERY FUCKIN TIME, I WANT TO WRITE, SOMEONE CALLS ME TO DO WORK AND I FUCKING FORGET WHAT I WANTED TO WRITE IN THE 1ST FUCKIN PLACE.
I guess it's time to cut out that piece of me which gave me meaning. You broke beyond repair, shattered. Now I'm lying down, beat, waiting for someone to come and pick up the pieces of my life and put them back in one piece.
What I'm going to do may be harsh, but that's only toward myself, I won't be a bother to your oh so perfect life no more. Rejoice for that. Edwin's right, how the hell did I get myself so deeply caught up in such a mess. I'm a pathetic screw up.
I never did anything wrong, I just never got anything right. The only thing I ever did was screw up my life. Somehow I always manage to bring out the worst possible outcome of any event. I'm sorry for all my actions although it doesn't really mean anything now. I'm sorry for the time I acted so distant towards you, and also for the times I got too close. I know I can be a fuckin' retard at times. If you're reading this you know who you are. Guess I just needed a really hard slap in the face. Not literally though, but it hurts just as much. I hate it when it feels as though my chest is being weighed down by invisible burdens and sorrow. You probably didn't know it then, and you probably still don't. I know that you never meant any harm, but I just got too caught up in my thoughts I brought out the worst possible meaning of every sentence you had ever said to me. And I apologize for ever bringing you down or being a burden to you, just being who I am.
Well, I should probably write everything else down somewhere else and just bury the file, as I've already done earlier with another post. Gawd, that one was looooooong. Lillian's right, write it all then bury it somewhere never to be seen again. And with that, I'm finally going to stop trying. I probably already did, but I'll do my best now. It's going to take awhile.. But.. Who knows.. I'm waiting for my next two weeks of peace, just like the two thought-free weeks I had last year. However, it still remains, to date, the very best years of my life. Guess I'll never be able to keep my end of things, although I'm sure you've already forgotten everything.
Sometimes, I hate myself for ever picking up guitar, which indirectly landed me in this.
And, I fuckin' lost at least 50% of my thoughts I had wanted to include in this.
EVERY FUCKIN TIME, I WANT TO WRITE, SOMEONE CALLS ME TO DO WORK AND I FUCKING FORGET WHAT I WANTED TO WRITE IN THE 1ST FUCKIN PLACE.
I guess it's time to cut out that piece of me which gave me meaning. You broke beyond repair, shattered. Now I'm lying down, beat, waiting for someone to come and pick up the pieces of my life and put them back in one piece.
What I'm going to do may be harsh, but that's only toward myself, I won't be a bother to your oh so perfect life no more. Rejoice for that. Edwin's right, how the hell did I get myself so deeply caught up in such a mess. I'm a pathetic screw up.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Iris
I'm running out of blog titles D:! Resorted to using the name of the song I'm listening to. Haha!
Fear has it's way of creeping in, the euphoria is fading, and fast. Oh noez!
Fear has it's way of creeping in, the euphoria is fading, and fast. Oh noez!
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
Well it could have been better
Funny how sometimes the tiniest of things can raise one's spirit by a whole lot. Although.. It could have been a hell lot better. Then again I can't deny that it took almost all my will and/or courage. Erm.. lol.
D-D-D-D-DotA!
The colour for this post was suggested by Edwin.
"I think r, you should change the colour of your whole post to make it stand out"
I like it how my mind is blank at times :)
D-D-D-D-DotA!
The colour for this post was suggested by Edwin.
"I think r, you should change the colour of your whole post to make it stand out"
I like it how my mind is blank at times :)
Thursday, June 25, 2009
June
It's clear now. I can't resist it still. I cave in every single time. Even though I realize entirely that it'll worsen the longer it takes for me to learn to resist.
The allergy reaction's gone. Yippee!
The allergy reaction's gone. Yippee!
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
It's the 24th again
Fuckin rashes, my whole body is so friggin' itchy, and red. Damn it the rashes just multiplied. AHH THE ITCH.
Went to the doctor after the rash seemingly spread all over both my arms and legs. D:! It's a gruesome sight. According to him, it's just a skin reaction towards allergies. Let's just hope that's about it. Ahaha.
Good news? No school tomorrow! Well there is, just that I ain't going. Dude I'm sick :(
And for now, I don't think I'm going. School? No, not that, something else. Guess I'll see how things goes, it's still a long way away anyway.
Went to the doctor after the rash seemingly spread all over both my arms and legs. D:! It's a gruesome sight. According to him, it's just a skin reaction towards allergies. Let's just hope that's about it. Ahaha.
Good news? No school tomorrow! Well there is, just that I ain't going. Dude I'm sick :(
And for now, I don't think I'm going. School? No, not that, something else. Guess I'll see how things goes, it's still a long way away anyway.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Things just keep getting worse
Well.. I think that proves something. I get it, nobody enjoys the presence of a downright depressed bastard who's nothing more than an annoyance. Congratz, someone's just managed to drive another stake through my heart. Don't know how much more of this I can take. This is by far, the worst shitty fucked up year of my life. I guess, from this point onward, there's nothing I can ever do anymore, and everything I never did will come back to haunt me. Still I can't bring myself to face the very source of my depression, I don't have the will. Denial's got a firm grip on me and it isn't letting go. For what it's worth.. I'm sorry.
Day 151
It's hard to have be optimistic when your life's full of depression, heartbreak and failure. Yeah yeah, shut up emo kid. So I've heard countless times. Half of me is screaming not to give in to the demands of the other half of me. Although I'm pretty sure I'll cave in later today. Yes I know I don't make sense, I never meant to :D
I'm pretty sure I'm overreacting again, I have a knack for doing that. Or maybe I've been listening to too much of Funeral For A Friend. Strange how your life can seemingly revolve around a single individual, who can both make and break you.
I'm pretty sure I'm overreacting again, I have a knack for doing that. Or maybe I've been listening to too much of Funeral For A Friend. Strange how your life can seemingly revolve around a single individual, who can both make and break you.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Reminiscence
I remember it like it was yesterday.. Or not. Went to school although I was dreading it. Someone had gotten a little too nosy and I feared what she knew would someone spread to a person I didn't want it to spread to.
Then I saw it, 4 of them in a group, all heading to me. Ahh crap. The person I had originally intended to keep away from was 1 of them. And they said almost in unison "Kino... We know what you've been up to." Oh shoot, this is bad.
Back to reality. Garh. DotA beckons.
Then I saw it, 4 of them in a group, all heading to me. Ahh crap. The person I had originally intended to keep away from was 1 of them. And they said almost in unison "Kino... We know what you've been up to." Oh shoot, this is bad.
Back to reality. Garh. DotA beckons.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Crossroads
Perhaps I made the wrong decision (again!). Gawd, I have a knack for screwing up my life. Thing's have not gone smoothly one bit. Meh.
Back to the main point, if I had one. Went to Sunway College today, for some Public Speaking Competition finals, merely as a spectator and/or moral support. Got up at 6am, usual time but headed out to school a lot earlier then usual, which was 6.40. Okay that's only like 20 minutes earlier then the time I usually leave my house on normal school days.. But still.
Uneventful trip towards the destination, was preoccupied with my music. Thank gawd for entertainment on bus ride. Moment we got there, I realised how big the place was.. like literally. Sunway's definitely bigger then Taylor's.. I think.. We were greeted by 2 student ambassidors, there were alot of them. 2 for each school that was coming for the day. Which would mean... Alot. Too lazy to count.
We were told to head over to MPH. Yes, if you're wondering what MPH means.. It isn't that bookstore we all know and love. Which was what was on most of our minds at the time, until Edwin said MultiPurposeHall. Darn you Edwin! On they way there, the 3 essay writing competition participants, King Yang and 2 other people I do not know were directed to another room. And yes the MPH hall was BIG.
Back to the main point, if I had one. Went to Sunway College today, for some Public Speaking Competition finals, merely as a spectator and/or moral support. Got up at 6am, usual time but headed out to school a lot earlier then usual, which was 6.40. Okay that's only like 20 minutes earlier then the time I usually leave my house on normal school days.. But still.
Uneventful trip towards the destination, was preoccupied with my music. Thank gawd for entertainment on bus ride. Moment we got there, I realised how big the place was.. like literally. Sunway's definitely bigger then Taylor's.. I think.. We were greeted by 2 student ambassidors, there were alot of them. 2 for each school that was coming for the day. Which would mean... Alot. Too lazy to count.
We were told to head over to MPH. Yes, if you're wondering what MPH means.. It isn't that bookstore we all know and love. Which was what was on most of our minds at the time, until Edwin said MultiPurposeHall. Darn you Edwin! On they way there, the 3 essay writing competition participants, King Yang and 2 other people I do not know were directed to another room. And yes the MPH hall was BIG.
That's the big screen in the MPH.
Told you the place was big,
The day started off with a briefing, can't exactly remember much. Then we got to watch the finals of the Public Speaking Competition. 6 finalists in all, Nirmal included :D
After that, it was.. A tour of the campus :D
Got to see the computer centre, but they were having exams so we didn't get to go in. Then the library, gawd it was big. Like.. 10 times the size of our school's library, lol.
Then we had 2 talks about Essay Writing Skills and Communication skills. And I'm can't remember so I'll just skip to the end. When it was time to get back, bought some food at the cafeteria, which I didn't like that much. Waste $$ Zzz.
Note, pictures all on facebook if anyone is interested.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
This is bad
You know something is seriously screwed up when you can't even bring yourself to look someone in the eye anymore. Or even acknowledge that you know they're there and just keep on pretending you don't see them.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Die lar!
Yes, I'm dead tomorrow. Although I have finished my analysis (I hope), Jon just said I have to include the 2009 predictions as well. I made some room for it, but.. Haiz.
If I don't make it back tomorrow... I'm not gonna say that line everyone expects someone to say whenever they use that sentence I started with. Got no one I can apply it to anyways. LOL
So yeah, spent almost 2 hours at Edwin's place finishing up history. Longer than I expected, least it's done. Kinda fun when he got a call. From.. winks. LOL Anyways..
Quote: Edwin ~ "Don't go prom lar, stay at home and save the cash. Then you can buy dumbbells instead" LOL
If I don't make it back tomorrow... I'm not gonna say that line everyone expects someone to say whenever they use that sentence I started with. Got no one I can apply it to anyways. LOL
So yeah, spent almost 2 hours at Edwin's place finishing up history. Longer than I expected, least it's done. Kinda fun when he got a call. From.. winks. LOL Anyways..
Quote: Edwin ~ "Don't go prom lar, stay at home and save the cash. Then you can buy dumbbells instead" LOL
Bad Day
Yeah it's one of those days again where everything goes wrong, or not.
Anyways.. Back to the main point..
Today I came this close. I'd gotten used to the stupid changes that would follow, accelerated heartbeat, thoughts clouding my head, or rather none at all, it's mostly blank, and the only thing I could do at the time was tried to keep putting one feet ahead of the other as I continued walking.
Most of that is either gone or minimized now. Now it's replaced by either depression and/or slight fury. Hmm.. I thought I'd do better than that. Meh. I know I suck anyway. Edwin was right about 1 thing. The whole day after that.. You can easily tell from my expression.
Well I would have been indifferent the whole day.. If not for Sejarah. Yes, GASP! D:! I was crudely jolted back to my senses. Apparently there were holiday classes, and I somehow managed to lose the slip of paper which we were supposed to give to our parents. Although I think it's in 1 of my exercise books. Got hell for not attending. And to top it off, I have to finish off the analysis of the past year questions by tomorrow morning.
Basically, today.. SUCKED
Hmm.. I could have sworn I heard someone calling my name when I got out of school. Maybe it was just me :S
Anyways.. Back to the main point..
Today I came this close. I'd gotten used to the stupid changes that would follow, accelerated heartbeat, thoughts clouding my head, or rather none at all, it's mostly blank, and the only thing I could do at the time was tried to keep putting one feet ahead of the other as I continued walking.
Most of that is either gone or minimized now. Now it's replaced by either depression and/or slight fury. Hmm.. I thought I'd do better than that. Meh. I know I suck anyway. Edwin was right about 1 thing. The whole day after that.. You can easily tell from my expression.
Well I would have been indifferent the whole day.. If not for Sejarah. Yes, GASP! D:! I was crudely jolted back to my senses. Apparently there were holiday classes, and I somehow managed to lose the slip of paper which we were supposed to give to our parents. Although I think it's in 1 of my exercise books. Got hell for not attending. And to top it off, I have to finish off the analysis of the past year questions by tomorrow morning.
Basically, today.. SUCKED
Hmm.. I could have sworn I heard someone calling my name when I got out of school. Maybe it was just me :S
Monday, June 15, 2009
Argh
I hate the feeling of getting left out.
Nothing seems to go right, something always seem to get in the way.
Nothing seems to go right, something always seem to get in the way.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Blank
Emo -> Recover -> Try -> Fail. Repeat.
That's what it used to be before I got disconnected at the Emo stage.
I think it's starting all over again.
That's what it used to be before I got disconnected at the Emo stage.
I think it's starting all over again.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Tried to see the good in life
Did I ever mention how I have a knack to always manage to find something to read and/or see which gets me really depressed? Well if I haven't, then I just did. Maybe it's a subconscious thing. Every single time I start to feel happy and/or cheery/ positive emotions, I always seem to stumble upon smth which just completely reverses my mood. Mmm... I don't get it either. Just happened again. Now I feel like crap, way to go Kinoc.
So far only 1 person has actually figured out what was it I kept doing that made myself depressed. Wasn't that hard to figure out.
Note : Using a 3rd person point of view can get pretty ironic.
So far only 1 person has actually figured out what was it I kept doing that made myself depressed. Wasn't that hard to figure out.
Note : Using a 3rd person point of view can get pretty ironic.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Over The Top
It's official. I'm a fuckin' idiot. I think what I did today was by far the most ridiculous, reckless, dangerous, and I might add, painful stunt. Of all the things to do and of all the ways it could have ended up, good thing I wasn't hurt seriously and/or paralysed. That'd suck.. bad.
I blame JW for this LOL. After gym, he dared ash to do some parkour shit stunt and climb the stairs. The side that is.. The vertical wall.. you know that short one halfway up the stairs with the gap underneath it.. Near the tennis court. Well Gazi tried 1st.. But.. He didn't dare, cause it looked scary. Good for him, smart choice. Then ash did it. It wasn't perfect but least he landed safely. He made it look so easy so I thought I'd try as well. BIG mistake. I got up pretty ok.. Didn't give the landing much thought, and I rushed it. And I also underestimated the height of the drop.
Results?
Fall, crash and burn. Lol. Not quite.. I landed on my feet(phew?). Then, almost immediately.. I slipped.. And fell on my ass. It fuckin' hurt. And yes, being the thoughtful considerate friends they are. They couldn't help but enjoy the brief moment of EPIC PHAILURE and laughing at my pain :D
Hmm.. just gotta love those guys. Note the sarcasm.
I blame JW for this LOL. After gym, he dared ash to do some parkour shit stunt and climb the stairs. The side that is.. The vertical wall.. you know that short one halfway up the stairs with the gap underneath it.. Near the tennis court. Well Gazi tried 1st.. But.. He didn't dare, cause it looked scary. Good for him, smart choice. Then ash did it. It wasn't perfect but least he landed safely. He made it look so easy so I thought I'd try as well. BIG mistake. I got up pretty ok.. Didn't give the landing much thought, and I rushed it. And I also underestimated the height of the drop.
Results?
Fall, crash and burn. Lol. Not quite.. I landed on my feet(phew?). Then, almost immediately.. I slipped.. And fell on my ass. It fuckin' hurt. And yes, being the thoughtful considerate friends they are. They couldn't help but enjoy the brief moment of EPIC PHAILURE and laughing at my pain :D
Hmm.. just gotta love those guys. Note the sarcasm.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Tagged yet again
1. The person who tagged you is :
Elaine
2. Your relationship with him/her is :
Friends
3. Your first impression of him/her is:
Ouch, she hits hard. LMAO
4. The most memorable moments with he/she is:
Err... BBQ? lol
5. The most memorable thing he/she has said to you is:
Don't emo:)
6. If he/she becomes your lover
err.. I'll go with "lolx, wth"
7. If he/she became your lover, what should he/she improve that:
Attitude LOLX :P
8. If he/she becomes your enemy, what will you do:
Nah, doubt that'll happen XD
9. If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be:
Probably cause erm..
10. The most desired things you want to do for him/her now is:
Give her DotA skills, LMAO
11. Your overall impression on him/her is:
Great friend :D
13. The characteristic you hate most about yourself:
Antisocial
14. The most ideal person you want to be is:
The person I envy oh-so-much
15. For people who care and love you, say something to them:
yeah, whatever. lol
16. Pass this quiz to 10 people who you want to know how they feel about you:
1)Samuel
2)Alicia
3)Lillian
4)Jon
5)Andrea
6)Qao Shaun
7)Beng Way
8)Krystle
9)Chee Chew
10)Cyber
17. Who is 6 having a relationship with?
No idea
18. Is 9 a male or a female?
Male
19. What is 2 studying at the moment?
The same as everyone else on that list
20. Who was the last person you had a chat with?
If msn counts, Elaine. lawls
21. What kind of music does 8 like?
Not too sure, lol.
22. Does 1 have any siblings?
A sister and a brother.
23. Is 4 single?
Yeah, I think. lol
24. What is the surname of 5?
Ng
25. What's the hobby of 3?
No idea :D
26. Do 7 and 9 get along well?
Most of the time, haha.
27. Where is 10 studying at?
I don't know, LOL
28. Say something casual about your eyes:
Black
29. Have you tried developing feelings for 2?
Lmao, hell no.
30. Where does 9 live?
Kota Kemuning
31. What colour does 4 like?
Err...
32. Are 5 and 1 good friends? / Do they know each other?
Hmm, they're okay I guess
33. Does 2 like 7?
I'd laugh if she did.
34. How did you get to know 8?
Classmates since primary school
5. Does 3 have any pets?
Nope
36. Is 7 the sexiest person in the world?
HAHAHA, I think he thinks so. LOL!
37. Are you sexy?
Lol.. Zz stupid question.
38. What are you doing now?
Posting this tag, chatting, the usual.
Elaine
2. Your relationship with him/her is :
Friends
3. Your first impression of him/her is:
Ouch, she hits hard. LMAO
4. The most memorable moments with he/she is:
Err... BBQ? lol
5. The most memorable thing he/she has said to you is:
Don't emo:)
6. If he/she becomes your lover
err.. I'll go with "lolx, wth"
7. If he/she became your lover, what should he/she improve that:
Attitude LOLX :P
8. If he/she becomes your enemy, what will you do:
Nah, doubt that'll happen XD
9. If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be:
Probably cause erm..
10. The most desired things you want to do for him/her now is:
Give her DotA skills, LMAO
11. Your overall impression on him/her is:
Great friend :D
13. The characteristic you hate most about yourself:
Antisocial
14. The most ideal person you want to be is:
The person I envy oh-so-much
15. For people who care and love you, say something to them:
yeah, whatever. lol
16. Pass this quiz to 10 people who you want to know how they feel about you:
1)Samuel
2)Alicia
3)Lillian
4)Jon
5)Andrea
6)Qao Shaun
7)Beng Way
8)Krystle
9)Chee Chew
10)Cyber
17. Who is 6 having a relationship with?
No idea
18. Is 9 a male or a female?
Male
19. What is 2 studying at the moment?
The same as everyone else on that list
20. Who was the last person you had a chat with?
If msn counts, Elaine. lawls
21. What kind of music does 8 like?
Not too sure, lol.
22. Does 1 have any siblings?
A sister and a brother.
23. Is 4 single?
Yeah, I think. lol
24. What is the surname of 5?
Ng
25. What's the hobby of 3?
No idea :D
26. Do 7 and 9 get along well?
Most of the time, haha.
27. Where is 10 studying at?
I don't know, LOL
28. Say something casual about your eyes:
Black
29. Have you tried developing feelings for 2?
Lmao, hell no.
30. Where does 9 live?
Kota Kemuning
31. What colour does 4 like?
Err...
32. Are 5 and 1 good friends? / Do they know each other?
Hmm, they're okay I guess
33. Does 2 like 7?
I'd laugh if she did.
34. How did you get to know 8?
Classmates since primary school
5. Does 3 have any pets?
Nope
36. Is 7 the sexiest person in the world?
HAHAHA, I think he thinks so. LOL!
37. Are you sexy?
Lol.. Zz stupid question.
38. What are you doing now?
Posting this tag, chatting, the usual.
An epiphany
Yeah, whatever you call that. I had to think up of a random title since I've run out of ideas besides the same old ones that read "Holiday joy", "The fun of holidays", so on so forth. You get the idea. Just got home from what I consider one of the worst places to spend a weekend. Those of you who know me well enough should know where that place is very well. Okay maybe it isn't THAT bad. But still, it brought back the worst day of my life, in replayable video form in my head. Yeah whatever, enough about that.
Back to the good stuff, now that I'm finally home.. I can get back to my normal routine. Gaming, guitar, gir-ahem, and facebooking. Hmm, guess one of the reasons I'd rather not go back to my hometown is that it gives me way too much time to reflect on my life. Yes, that's why I hate it :D
Note to self : Brooding never helps. Be happy :D! Or so I've heard.
P.s. Gazi you're a bitch :D
Back to the good stuff, now that I'm finally home.. I can get back to my normal routine. Gaming, guitar, gir-ahem, and facebooking. Hmm, guess one of the reasons I'd rather not go back to my hometown is that it gives me way too much time to reflect on my life. Yes, that's why I hate it :D
Note to self : Brooding never helps. Be happy :D! Or so I've heard.
P.s. Gazi you're a bitch :D
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
-
I'm tired of thinking of titles for blog post. Just need to rant a bit about the pathetic state I'm in. Haha. Yeah I know it's the hols and all, and I should be enjoying it. But I've been feeling weird lately. Then again I feel weird all the time. Not to mention being depressed and whatnot.
Gonna go out tomorrow, Sunway, as usual lar.. Where else is there to go? Hopefully it'll being some holiday spirit back into me, haha. It's been awhile since I've felt truly cheerful and whatnot, given the crap that's constantly on my mind.
Do I still feel the way I as I used to? I don't think so. I'm getting really confused. Maybe it's just impossible, a fact that I've solidified in my mind ever since.. then. Yeah, I know I pretty much suck at this crap, given that I've only experienced it once. D:! Maybe it's starting all over again. Only this time it's a different person, or is it?
I don't even know what I'm saying. I guess my state of mind is just.. messed up. As it has been for months. S'pose I'm done ranting now. Back to brooding in solitude. Yes, I'm a sad phail case, I acknowledge that :)
Gonna go out tomorrow, Sunway, as usual lar.. Where else is there to go? Hopefully it'll being some holiday spirit back into me, haha. It's been awhile since I've felt truly cheerful and whatnot, given the crap that's constantly on my mind.
Do I still feel the way I as I used to? I don't think so. I'm getting really confused. Maybe it's just impossible, a fact that I've solidified in my mind ever since.. then. Yeah, I know I pretty much suck at this crap, given that I've only experienced it once. D:! Maybe it's starting all over again. Only this time it's a different person, or is it?
I don't even know what I'm saying. I guess my state of mind is just.. messed up. As it has been for months. S'pose I'm done ranting now. Back to brooding in solitude. Yes, I'm a sad phail case, I acknowledge that :)
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