You know.. I'm getting really tired.. tired of pretending.. tired of hating.. maybe the whole "hate" thing was nothing but a lie to begin with, nothing more then a desperate attempt for closure. Guess I was wrong, nothing ever ends the way I wanted to anyway. All I ever do is screw up. Yippee for me!
Did I mention the flashbacks are back? Yeah, sucks. Guess the whole feeling's back huh. Jeez, I thought I was finally free of this. I can only assume as much cause now.. I can barely remember anything more then 10 minutes ago, which is exactly the same as when the depression first began.
I'm getting tired of speaking in circles, it gets hard after a while. I just feel like walking up to her, and just shouting or do whatever it is I need to do to fix this mess, I'm so tired of this. I don't hate you, I never could, I never would. Nobody could hate perfection. But I know clearly enough there's no way you would ever forgive me. Thus, I'm stuck in this situation. Having spent almost a year like this.. I've kinda gotten used to it, although it still hurts really bad everytime I think of it.
Sigh, I guess we reap what we sow. I've made mistakes, mistakes that can never be fixed.
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