Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones.
I can never get used to it. It's one thing to imagine it, but to see how fragile life is up close and personal. It's a completely different experience. Sometimes you take things for granted, always sidelining what's truly important in your life for the most trivial things. You get mad at having to be at places you get dragged to when you'd much rather be at home relaxing. You throw tantrums and show a long face just to make yourself heard, that you want to leave. Sometimes, you do care, but you just don't know how to show it.
I'm glad I decided to visit, even if I had to limp there. Just being there would have been a boost, this much I know. All my complaints and pain just went away, as I stood there rooted by the sight in front of me. I've never seen everyone come so close before without squabbling. Partly why I had never liked gatherings, they were always too noisy for my liking.
But there, in that one moment. We all stood together, for moral support. Not just for him, but for each other. It was then I realized I had never really showed how much I cared.
As a kid, I've been through this. But that was when I still
wasn't aware of the direness of the situation. I was only seven then. I
may have been down, but there was always a sense of lightheartedness
back then.
The two people who raised me up as a kid, and had nothing but love and affection for me. I can still remember their smiles, and how they would both wave to me as I headed back to the city. They would stand out in the road and just keep waving, and I would too.. until the car reached the end and turned the corner and they vanished from sight. There was always a language barrier, even more so with the generation gap. It took but all my will to hold my emotions in as I sat there and recalled my childhood days.
But this, to know very well that every minute is precious. Is when I truly regret not being there when I was needed most. Please, I was late but I'm here now. To hold onto life, is but my only wish.
Remember that no matter what happens, blood is thicker than water.
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Doodle #191
I suppose the recent spree of in semester component examinations have kept me jittery. Hence, I am here onec again to rant and just.. spew out whatever nonsense I can think of. Sounds like a pretty good idea, no?
Communication has never been my forte, it's one of my weakest traits in fact. I concede this fact. I was never good with words, and more often than not, lacked tact when it came to getting my message across. BAHH. I don't like how this stress just plagues my mind. I don't get this jittery for any exam. Maybe for the oral exams and presentations I've had to do in the past. In hindsight, those were more or less one way things. I speak and people listen (presumably), it was never a give and take process.
Being a pharmacy student, I suppose counselling will be a routine procedure later on in the working world. Might as well deal with any and all my doubts now. I have to work on my speech, still have a very prominent stutter. Makes me come across as indecisive, which is a big nono.
I speak best when I'm relaxed (like, durh!) so I suppose that will be key in tomorrow's exam.
As of now, I'm just hoping to pass. ==
Communication has never been my forte, it's one of my weakest traits in fact. I concede this fact. I was never good with words, and more often than not, lacked tact when it came to getting my message across. BAHH. I don't like how this stress just plagues my mind. I don't get this jittery for any exam. Maybe for the oral exams and presentations I've had to do in the past. In hindsight, those were more or less one way things. I speak and people listen (presumably), it was never a give and take process.
Being a pharmacy student, I suppose counselling will be a routine procedure later on in the working world. Might as well deal with any and all my doubts now. I have to work on my speech, still have a very prominent stutter. Makes me come across as indecisive, which is a big nono.
I speak best when I'm relaxed (like, durh!) so I suppose that will be key in tomorrow's exam.
As of now, I'm just hoping to pass. ==
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Doodle #190
It's been awhile since I wrote anything.. thoughtful, so to speak. *deep breath* So here goes nothing..
Two paths,
Two stories,
Two hearts,
Collide.
As I stare into the horizon, I find solace in the fact that the week is almost over. And yet, I wish that it would never end. To grab time by its reins and hold it in place, to stay unmoving as the world passes on by. A pang of guilt accompanies every notion that creeps itself into my consciousness. I've come so far, yet the journey is overshadowed by what lies ahead.
Well, that's about as much as I can manage. Guess I locked up whatever writing capabilities I had along with that darker side of me. Hah. Maybe someday I'll find that little piece of me again, amongst the other pieces scattered in the wind. :) A break from the hustle and bustle, that's what I need.
Ironically, I find myself on the opposite side now. A fleeting moment where I stepped into the shoes of the forgotten, and saw things from a different perspective. Things played out in black and white, and yet I saw shades of grey. To shoulder the weight of experience is anything but a simple task. When you reach a fork in the road, they may branch off in directions so different that they never cross again. Seven was the memento I carried, a symbol to how much life can change in an instant. One that remains indefinitely.
Time gives, and time takes.
I blame the coffee, caffeine acts as a stimulant and causes anxiety. So that's been the root of my problem! :D
Two paths,
Two stories,
Two hearts,
Collide.
As I stare into the horizon, I find solace in the fact that the week is almost over. And yet, I wish that it would never end. To grab time by its reins and hold it in place, to stay unmoving as the world passes on by. A pang of guilt accompanies every notion that creeps itself into my consciousness. I've come so far, yet the journey is overshadowed by what lies ahead.
Well, that's about as much as I can manage. Guess I locked up whatever writing capabilities I had along with that darker side of me. Hah. Maybe someday I'll find that little piece of me again, amongst the other pieces scattered in the wind. :) A break from the hustle and bustle, that's what I need.
Ironically, I find myself on the opposite side now. A fleeting moment where I stepped into the shoes of the forgotten, and saw things from a different perspective. Things played out in black and white, and yet I saw shades of grey. To shoulder the weight of experience is anything but a simple task. When you reach a fork in the road, they may branch off in directions so different that they never cross again. Seven was the memento I carried, a symbol to how much life can change in an instant. One that remains indefinitely.
Time gives, and time takes.
I blame the coffee, caffeine acts as a stimulant and causes anxiety. So that's been the root of my problem! :D
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Doodle #189
Taking some time off to write.
It's already Week 12! I mean, whaaaaaaaat? :( I can still remember the first week of Year 2. Oh, how time flies. Feels like a lot has changed since then. With week 12, comes all the final assignments and tests before the big one hits.
Just finished Biochem today. For the first time ever, I went through the entire SAQ CLUELESS. I have a bad feeling I'll do very bad for this unit. :/ BAHH. Have I mentioned how I disliked bio?
Chemistry quiz tomorrow and OSCE on Friday. I hope I can pull through.. My performance during the TOSCE was HORRIBLE to say the least, having overshot time for the first scene and failing to achieve the objective in the second.
Haven't had time nor inspiration to write another lengthy post. When I find something I guess I'll ramble. Well, back to QSAR.
It's already Week 12! I mean, whaaaaaaaat? :( I can still remember the first week of Year 2. Oh, how time flies. Feels like a lot has changed since then. With week 12, comes all the final assignments and tests before the big one hits.
Just finished Biochem today. For the first time ever, I went through the entire SAQ CLUELESS. I have a bad feeling I'll do very bad for this unit. :/ BAHH. Have I mentioned how I disliked bio?
Chemistry quiz tomorrow and OSCE on Friday. I hope I can pull through.. My performance during the TOSCE was HORRIBLE to say the least, having overshot time for the first scene and failing to achieve the objective in the second.
Haven't had time nor inspiration to write another lengthy post. When I find something I guess I'll ramble. Well, back to QSAR.
Monday, May 14, 2012
Doodle #188 : Dance Through Your Soul
EDITED! With more photos during our routine!
Almost forgot to update regarding the concert. :P My take on this, more towards my individual experience as a whole, so there'll be less focus on the event itself. Hah. Look up Facebook for photos if you feel like it.
Yes, weeks of practice, blood, sweat and tears have finally paid off and it is all over. To think that only a few months back, I would have never envisioned myself to take part in dancing, much more perform on stage for a charity concert. But hey, I guess that's where the influnce from your friends come into play. And heck, I've one hell of a bro. One who made it look so easy to dance, and slowly cultivated, so to speak, a want to dance myself. :D I had thought of picking it up last year but I never really got around to it until now.
Better late than never, no? :)
To be honest, I have no idea how I managed to string myself into this. I remember the very first class I attended, followed Joshiee to his Intermediate class as the Beginner classes were in the afternoon (major schedule clashes). I remember vividly how awkward and out of place I felt, having never danced EVER in my life. This was going to be a first for me. At the end of 2 classes I decided to stick around and join for good. At the time, I had thought I would only be in the club, nothing more.
On the 3rd day of classes (I joined at the exact moment they begun to choreograph for the concert during my first class), we had started choreographing the positioning. Somehow or rather, during the marking of positions, the instructor moved me around "Okay you'll be here.. etc" and the only thing that went through my mind at the time was "WHAT?!", it was then I realized I had managed to get on the performance team.
Several weeks of practice later... Dot dot dot
During one of our costumed rehearsals. Hoodie power!
D:
It was time. Refer to post below this. Hah! MDFC Charity concert. The first night was okay, made some mistakes but hey, these things happen. I still feel a pang of guilt every now and then knowing it was my enthusiasm / fear that got the better of me.
Nothing can describe the adrenaline rush you get before going up on stage. Not just to dance, but perform. To truly enjoy what you are doing. :) Many thanks to my friends who came to support. Hahha. Really appreciate it. First time weih I'll be up on stage xD Coughyouguysshouldbehonouredcough.
Second night, I dug this out.
For old time's sake, and to give myself a little boost. They'll always be a part of me, all of them. Kept them in my mind as I danced that night.
Curtains were drawn, and it was time to move out.
I know you're like, wondering what this is right now..
MOVE IF YOU WANNA MOVE.
During our routine.
The pupetteers in action.
MIMS!
5,6,7,8.. POSE!
Truly felt awesome to be there. Guess I was pretty high after as well. Kept moving about backstage. We definitely had more energy during the second night, though I can't say the same for my enthusiasm. xD
Debriefing session. That's my instructor / choreographer Silvya at the bottom left. Really an amazing person / dancer.
Go Hip Hop! We even had a special guest appearance by Urban Groove during the second night, brought the house down. :DD
That marks the end of a gruelling 3 weeks and more of practice. Time for a brief respite from reality before revision for the exams begin.
On a side note, I find it really hard to sit still now (in a literal sense) since I started dancing. Thanks to Joshiee of course. I'm turning into him. OH NOOOOOO. Videos for both my performances up on Facebook. :)
Kinoc, out.
Almost forgot to update regarding the concert. :P My take on this, more towards my individual experience as a whole, so there'll be less focus on the event itself. Hah. Look up Facebook for photos if you feel like it.
Yes, weeks of practice, blood, sweat and tears have finally paid off and it is all over. To think that only a few months back, I would have never envisioned myself to take part in dancing, much more perform on stage for a charity concert. But hey, I guess that's where the influnce from your friends come into play. And heck, I've one hell of a bro. One who made it look so easy to dance, and slowly cultivated, so to speak, a want to dance myself. :D I had thought of picking it up last year but I never really got around to it until now.
Better late than never, no? :)
To be honest, I have no idea how I managed to string myself into this. I remember the very first class I attended, followed Joshiee to his Intermediate class as the Beginner classes were in the afternoon (major schedule clashes). I remember vividly how awkward and out of place I felt, having never danced EVER in my life. This was going to be a first for me. At the end of 2 classes I decided to stick around and join for good. At the time, I had thought I would only be in the club, nothing more.
On the 3rd day of classes (I joined at the exact moment they begun to choreograph for the concert during my first class), we had started choreographing the positioning. Somehow or rather, during the marking of positions, the instructor moved me around "Okay you'll be here.. etc" and the only thing that went through my mind at the time was "WHAT?!", it was then I realized I had managed to get on the performance team.
Several weeks of practice later... Dot dot dot
During one of our costumed rehearsals. Hoodie power!
D:
It was time. Refer to post below this. Hah! MDFC Charity concert. The first night was okay, made some mistakes but hey, these things happen. I still feel a pang of guilt every now and then knowing it was my enthusiasm / fear that got the better of me.
Nothing can describe the adrenaline rush you get before going up on stage. Not just to dance, but perform. To truly enjoy what you are doing. :) Many thanks to my friends who came to support. Hahha. Really appreciate it. First time weih I'll be up on stage xD Coughyouguysshouldbehonouredcough.
Second night, I dug this out.
For old time's sake, and to give myself a little boost. They'll always be a part of me, all of them. Kept them in my mind as I danced that night.
Curtains were drawn, and it was time to move out.
I know you're like, wondering what this is right now..
MOVE IF YOU WANNA MOVE.
During our routine.
The pupetteers in action.
MIMS!
5,6,7,8.. POSE!
Truly felt awesome to be there. Guess I was pretty high after as well. Kept moving about backstage. We definitely had more energy during the second night, though I can't say the same for my enthusiasm. xD
Debriefing session. That's my instructor / choreographer Silvya at the bottom left. Really an amazing person / dancer.
Go Hip Hop! We even had a special guest appearance by Urban Groove during the second night, brought the house down. :DD
That marks the end of a gruelling 3 weeks and more of practice. Time for a brief respite from reality before revision for the exams begin.
On a side note, I find it really hard to sit still now (in a literal sense) since I started dancing. Thanks to Joshiee of course. I'm turning into him. OH NOOOOOO. Videos for both my performances up on Facebook. :)
Kinoc, out.
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Doodle #187 : MDFC Dance Concert 1
Overall the night was good. Chilled out in the holding room for several hours until it was our turn. Practiced and just went nuts backstage. Even got myself a set of panda eyes. More on that another time.
Monash Dance Fusion Club (MDFC) charity concert Night 1 went well! WOOO. Feel the energy pump through my veins. Don't think I should post up any pictures or videos yet as the second night is tonight. Probably after.
It's been several weeks of rehearsing and practicing. Believe me, I have no idea how I ended up on the performance team in the first place but hey, it's been a blast. Even though it meant staying back in uni for classes, and extra hours practicing despite being flooded with assignments.
Stole the pics below from Dave.
Jhii, Joshiee and I (from right) with Dave after our performances. Damn, my legs felt like jelly then. The adrenaline rush through your veins is something I can never get tired of.
Rachel, Mel, Weng and Dave. (refer to line below)
Thanks to those who came to watch us. :) Team? Pharmacy! xD
Tonight will be the second night, which I probably will have mentioned above. Time to give it my all. ENERGY. ENERGY. Heh. I'll be more careful this time, promise. >.<
Monday, May 7, 2012
Doodle #186
It's Day 4 without the Internet at my place, not since the ever so awesome Unifail modem died on me that fateful day. Perhaps it was the lightning from the storm that had poured over the duration of the ENTIRE day, or perhaps the modem had reached the end of it's pathetic life cycle.
Nevertheless, I've been off the grid. Somewhat. Luckily I had my phone to keep me wired to the net. Though I haven't exactly been able to study or do any research at home whatsoever. Mehhh.
Test 2 for Biochem is coming up in under 50 minutes! Here I am, in the library trying to squeeze in whatever knowledge my brain may permit. I really need to perform (or so I keep telling myself), I know I'm still not up to par with some of my peers. Not yet. Soon.
In unrelated news, I'll be performing on Friday, and Saturday. I guess this will be the first time in my life I'll do this in public. I'll be honest, I still don't really understand why I picked this up. Must have been influenced by Ah Boy. Hahhhah.
Then again, it's been really fun. The practice sessions are grueling, even more so with less than a week till the MDFC charity concert. My muscles don't even get time to recuperate before the next session kills it all over again the very next day.
I'll post up videos after the performance if I get the chance. :)
Back to my notes. :D
Nevertheless, I've been off the grid. Somewhat. Luckily I had my phone to keep me wired to the net. Though I haven't exactly been able to study or do any research at home whatsoever. Mehhh.
Test 2 for Biochem is coming up in under 50 minutes! Here I am, in the library trying to squeeze in whatever knowledge my brain may permit. I really need to perform (or so I keep telling myself), I know I'm still not up to par with some of my peers. Not yet. Soon.
In unrelated news, I'll be performing on Friday, and Saturday. I guess this will be the first time in my life I'll do this in public. I'll be honest, I still don't really understand why I picked this up. Must have been influenced by Ah Boy. Hahhhah.
Then again, it's been really fun. The practice sessions are grueling, even more so with less than a week till the MDFC charity concert. My muscles don't even get time to recuperate before the next session kills it all over again the very next day.
I'll post up videos after the performance if I get the chance. :)
Back to my notes. :D
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