I was wondering what the hell pushed me as far as hatred last time. Well, I guess I figured that out today. Maybe it's me acting up again, or maybe I will never change that fact I'll have to live with the rest of my school life. Yes, school life, cause probably by the time school ends I never ever have to put up with it again. Ugh, gawd I feel so stupid for trying to change. One glance, that was all it took to completely screw up my mood for the entire day. It didn't help one bit that with all the walking I did in school today, that person kept popping up every now and then. As much as I try to divert myself, I can't help but look out the corner of my eye.
And so the running begins again. Ugh, Gazi's right. Walking into the class normally would have been much subtler. The moment I saw.. I don't have to say it.. Walkin my way. Just jumped right into class like whatever was coming was smth life-threatening. Ugh, and I stupidly rushed past with my head turned aside so I couldn't see anything. So what if I act like an idiot? Maybe deep down I want to act stupid just to somehow.. I don't know. I don't feel much now. It's just.. a numbness. Gone is all the tingling and adrenaline rushes, the feeling that absolutely nth can go wrong when I'm around that person. It's more of.. Well I can't really describe it.. A weight.. A really persistant and annoying one that won't stop bugging me. Let's not forget the pain it causes. Sigh. I can't tell if I hate her or myself more now.
Random thought : "I thought she'd help fill up the hole inside me. Turns out she was carving another hole inside me." Familiar? Meh, just modified it from some book I read.
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