Time I Never Had

In the midst of my inactivity, I realized something. It may not be a matter of importance but it got me thinking quite a bit.

I've been blogging for almost 4 years now. From the time I was a mere naive child who ranted for hours on end about insignificant and trivial issues to my current self. 4 years of life experience. 4 years worth of change, instilled into my very soul. How much exactly have I changed? I can't judge cause I for one, still aren't really aware of who I am from time to time. I seem to change based on who I'm around and usually align towards whatever mood the latest events in my life encourage me to act.

I'm aware that I'm a rather odd person. :)

Personally, I view my posts as more that a mere rant or a wayward shriek to let out my emotions. To me, every sentence embeds within itself my present emotions. My thoughts and desires, jotted down between the lines of the ever so nonsensical blog posts. To reread my previous entries reevokes the state of mind in which I was in at the time of writing it.

In short, if I were to pluck out a random post from let's say April, I'll revert back to myself in April for a brief moment. Same goes for any other entry that I've posted. It gives me a sense of how much I've progressed within these 4 years, as a person. The things that's changed me are not just the things I've lived through, but also everything that I had never got the chance to do. All the missed opportunities leaving nothing but a hollow shell and countless "what if"s.

Having said that, I miss my younger self. He was so naive, so easy to trust anyone and everyone that came into his life. Everything was much easier then. No double crossing or backstabbers to watch out for. The blissful joys of adoslescent life.

Life is short. You should grab every opportunity that comes your way. You never know when it might be that once in a lifetime shot. After all, you only live once in this world (Unless of course the whole concept of afterlife and rebirth are true, then of course you'd live several lifetimes blatantly unaware of your past self) so remember this.

If something is worth doing, it's worth overdoing.

Okay, that was rather irrelevant to the issue at hand. However, I can't shake this feeling that I've been doing nothing but sweep my problems under the rug lately. There's an uneasy feeling that won't budge from inside me. Maybe I've already realized it, but sooner or later I'll have to face my inner demons. We're bound to cross paths again, as we both live in such a small world. Hopefully then, I'd have garnered enough strength and resilience to fend it off.

I'm guessing that it's high time for me to start preoccupying myself with anything and everything. Current agenda, No Strings Attached. Damn I wanna watch it sooooo badly. Any takers? :)

Is it wrong if I'm still silently hoping for that truck laden with vegetables to plough through my problems?