Is It Worth It

AusMat. BIGGEST regret of my life.

Sure, life would have been very different. No more family, no Sexy Mui, no Nyamaa, no Kelz, no Dinding, no Whoremaster, no Lo Mai Kai, no Tribal War Chieftain, no Fabtianne, no Cina Gurl, no Joeyy, no.. You, the most important person to have ever changed my life.

At least, I’ll be spared the pain.

I’m getting tired of waiting for someone I’m only second best to. All the ups and the downs, I thought it’ll be worth it soon enough. When everyone was against it, I shrugged off their opinions. I had never felt better in my life. I pressed on, trying. Every step I take towards you makes the next exponentially harder. Yet, I never had a shred of fatigue in my mind, spurred on by my feelings. I thought I had found the perfect person.

Alas, I was mistaken. Again.

The hatred I felt two years back was miniscule in magnitude compared to the present. Some say the closer they are to you, the greater the pain you’ll feel. Experiencing this firsthand, I have no retort whatsoever to the validity of the phrase.

In 72 hours, I’ll decide.

I guess I’ll just be here if you need me, not that I assume you would. After all, who needs me when you already have someone to be there, in the spot I had always wanted to be in.

If I look half-dead whenever any of you see me, don’t ask.

There has to be a reason for this excruciatingly long wait.