The promises we adored.
It's that time again, the time I dwell deep into my thoughts, in a way, and try to string words together in an attempt to phrase all too familiar cliches that I've overused in most of my blog posts.
I wouldn't say I'm drowning in sadness, nor that I can't swim.
Somehow, just thinking bout that kind of stirs this seething cauldron of mixed feelings within me.
Now that just sounded so odd. Maybe flowery lines just ain't my thing. I'm better off sticking with my cliches, overused idioms and redundant metaphores.
So, it's our nation's Independence Day. I can't say I'm truly in the patriotic spirit, at least not with the thoughts of exams looming dangerously over the horizon. I can pretty much say that this is the single most uneventful one I've lived through, from my perspective. Being crammed at home since the break of dawn, attempting to revise for my Physics test tomorrow. The only actual productive thing I've done today was redesigning my blog.
Moments ago, I came across a fellow blogger's post on his celebration of Independence Day. What really shocks me is that he was actually attacked without provocation by a group of youngsters. I'd rather not get into the details, but the motive was quite clear. It appalls me to think that such a thing can actually happen. Words alone can't describe this disgust.
It's time to shift gears, and go back into ranting bout my life mode. Cause I'm in that state where I can write a lot, and somehow twist what I write against me. Why, you ask? Cause I was never once in the right. Every time, and in every decision I've made this year, I was on the losing side. The saddest part is that I had never realized it sooner.
Rewind things back almost a year ago. I was buzzing with anticipation, I had left the world of school, preparing to step into a whole new world. College. Of course, I was glad to have been able to find a few familiar faces. Faces I had trusted.. with me. Happy, anxious, but looking forward to the joys that awaited me. What had matter then was that I still had one of the closest people I know with me, as we could tread together, into foreign territory. 4 days before the start, I was pleasantly surprised to know that another person, not too familiar but was still a face I knew and recognized would also be with us. I couldn't say the year could have kicked off on a happier note.
That's right. I was happy.
Truly a fickle emotion. One which comes and goes without a second thought. It lingers at second, then disappears the next. Without hesitation, it appears to have a mind of its own at times.
I had managed to land myself amidst what I regard as the possibly the coolest people I know. Weird and quirky in their own individual ways, but inseparable when we're all together. I've found my niche, my place in life. All was well.
As with most of my other illusions of happiness, nothing lasts. Nothing in this world is perfect, no matter how they seemed on the surface. I poured my soul into work, trying to distract myself. Gaming had always helped, but alas it was the year that I've chosen to quit gaming. I spent days, contemplating, perhaps I was just overthinking. Course, it had always been my greatest weakness.
I guess.. That's just how life is. Every time you pick yourself up from a fall, life throws something harder at you, sometimes in the most unexpected ways.
The words "Life is full of surprises" sums it all up. Everything has been turned into a grey area in my mind. No longer can I remember the good times I had spent. The sole memory left within me is that mad dash to safety. Corroding away, hacking at my soul.
I've been told time and time again, I never listened. Those words, spewed at me over and over. It disgusts me when it's said at times. Why of all people, should I even consider listening?
I'll read everything said, no worries. Course, then I'd find the negativity in everything.
I'll make my own choices, I'll choose when. I already have. I just keep getting dragged back into the same cycle.
That's who I am. I'd rather be hated than being forced to change myself. Period.
Now, it's about time I get back to Physics revision. (:
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