Monologist

The pieces have nothing but jagged edges. Every attempt to put them together either tears each piece into smaller ones or inevitably cuts myself in the process. One thing leads to another, a never ending cycle of events, or rather, the chain reaction effect. The absence of a key factor didn't help make anything any clearer. Life was still a blurry haze. So much for keen observations and the knack for having an eagle eye when it comes down to this.

I was wrong before, or so I thought.. It feels as though I'm split into two now, one half of me wishing to believe those words of reason were true, and the other half screaming bloody murder, appalled by the crude method in which those lies persuasive words were phrased.

The better half of me would just accept things as they are, as people see it, merely gestures of friendship, nothing more. Then, everything would be just the way they should be. A peaceful, nice, and happy way to go through the rest of this year.

The other half refutes all reason, poisoned by words of mouth. Stuck in his own parallel reality, convinced that only his way of analyzing the situation is right. Picking up the smallest details and twisting logic, even the most innocent of actions can be flared up to the level of blunt betrayal. To know very well that those actions spell certain death in the eyes of others my eyes.

Time and time again, the cynical part of me triumphs in my mind, shaping my thoughts. Clouds of distrust gather, linking every action, desperate to pin the blame in order to prove that I was right. That I had been wronged, betrayed, a theory that isn't so far-fetched had it not been for the voices of those I loved which broke through my veil of seclusion.

Bloodied from the past, my recovery is a slow one. Some people say time's the only medicine for emotional wounds. Scars, made as the dagger's blade is driven straight into my chest, burying the hilt deep has left it's mark. Having recovered only to be delivered a second blow only added salt to the still healing wound.

Who you are as a person is shaped by your past experiences. I for once can't argue with that. Having fell twice, the brittle piece of glass that is my mind is easily shattered by the most innocuous actions. Fed by the lies of others, I'm starting to turn my back on those I trust again.

One question is answered, but a million remains. Where can I possibly begin?

If it weren't true, why had YOU kept fueling the fires?
Rumours can only spread when you act the way people talked, and you sure seemed to have a great deal of excitement doing so.

If this keeps up, these last 4 months will definitely not be worth it. What was seemingly the most perfect year in my life starts to crumble about it's foundation.

The plot unravels, but the mysteries still remain.

I told myself before, not to be such a depressive person. I had tried, for her. I had almost made it out, but the light just keeps fading away. I no longer know who can be trusted.

I'm sorry, especially to her, the degree of my twisted thoughts have even poisoned what I thought of her, the single most important person to me.

I had once wanted to be that guardian angel, the one person to run to, who could never hurt her. Turns out I will never reach it, but I just refuse to give in.

I've lost count of the days. I no longer have the strength to begin it again.

2 pieces of evidence remains unexplained.
The text which was missent to a friend.
The post which was clearly directed towards me.