All it takes is a spark, to set a soul ablaze..
I guess second best is all I will know..
A crevasse lies within me, splitting the trusting part of me from the one that naturally repels everyone. I guess somewhere deep down, part of me remains sociable, buried under the rubble that is my pain. Every attempt to sift through the debris lodges another spike through me, like slipping on the ledge of a construction site, falling to my death before finally impaling myself on the jagged edges of a metal object sticking out from the ground, my paranoia.
First, from the more persistent side of me. It feels good to have nothing but music, at maximum volume, blast into your ears. Course it would have happened EXACTLY that way, I never doubted it for a second, after all. I was ALWAYS second-best, no matter how much I tried, how much I toiled away, how much I had wanted to better myself. Tossed aside, scattered in the wind as I just fade away, forgotten. Doomed to be nothing more than another face in the crowd, nothing. It's only a matter of time before I disappear completely from those eyes.
The walls are slowly closing in, there's less space to move in and even less time to attempt any form of escape. Beaten, I surrender to whatever fate awaits me. My will has been broken, shattered into uncountable pieces. And so, I take my last breath, as the light leaves my empty eyes. Battered and bruised, I've lost. Everyone moves along, going about everyday routines, just enjoying life to its fullest, and where I am? Lost, rooted in place as I still can't put it all behind me, fixated yet unable to do anything.
The true depth of those words were unfathomable, true, it was only a simple phrase, displaying one's initiative to ensure another's well being. It could vary, hence a thousand possibilities could arise with such words. Behind it all, something still lingers, everything still doesn't feel right. I've never felt so lost and disconnected from those I hold dearest to me, seemingly unaffected by the mist that has befallen me and another. To have been in the reality I believed in for so long, it's only natural to refute anything that contradicts with my beliefs. To have truth being fired at me again and again, it feels like I'm being pummeled by a battering ram.
The icy cold wind bites at my bare skin, but nothing compares to the coldness I feel inside, hollow and dead.
However, sometimes, I manage to see past all take, to revert things back to how they were originally meant to be. To laugh, to joke, without a hint of skepticism, to have complete faith and conviction that my fears were unjust and unbased. All the negative emotions in me felt worlds away, in a parallel world, nonexistent in reality. I could look past everything, and embrace the one I've forsaken.
I guess second best is all I will know..
A crevasse lies within me, splitting the trusting part of me from the one that naturally repels everyone. I guess somewhere deep down, part of me remains sociable, buried under the rubble that is my pain. Every attempt to sift through the debris lodges another spike through me, like slipping on the ledge of a construction site, falling to my death before finally impaling myself on the jagged edges of a metal object sticking out from the ground, my paranoia.
First, from the more persistent side of me. It feels good to have nothing but music, at maximum volume, blast into your ears. Course it would have happened EXACTLY that way, I never doubted it for a second, after all. I was ALWAYS second-best, no matter how much I tried, how much I toiled away, how much I had wanted to better myself. Tossed aside, scattered in the wind as I just fade away, forgotten. Doomed to be nothing more than another face in the crowd, nothing. It's only a matter of time before I disappear completely from those eyes.
The walls are slowly closing in, there's less space to move in and even less time to attempt any form of escape. Beaten, I surrender to whatever fate awaits me. My will has been broken, shattered into uncountable pieces. And so, I take my last breath, as the light leaves my empty eyes. Battered and bruised, I've lost. Everyone moves along, going about everyday routines, just enjoying life to its fullest, and where I am? Lost, rooted in place as I still can't put it all behind me, fixated yet unable to do anything.
The true depth of those words were unfathomable, true, it was only a simple phrase, displaying one's initiative to ensure another's well being. It could vary, hence a thousand possibilities could arise with such words. Behind it all, something still lingers, everything still doesn't feel right. I've never felt so lost and disconnected from those I hold dearest to me, seemingly unaffected by the mist that has befallen me and another. To have been in the reality I believed in for so long, it's only natural to refute anything that contradicts with my beliefs. To have truth being fired at me again and again, it feels like I'm being pummeled by a battering ram.
When two different and contrasting truths collide, there's bound to be conflict. Solving them is not my forte, as I just lie in pain and suffer the agony as the problem slowly spirals out of control. I seriously.. Sigh. I don't deserved to have the title of a "friend", sometimes I feel it'll be easier if I had never chosen, of all people, the one that I had, without a doubt, disregarded my friend's advice, to not ask her, only to fall for her barely 2 months later. I wanna go back to that day, the day I had looked to her, and looked away without even a second thought. I can't believe what I had just missed out on, the world, my world.
The icy cold wind bites at my bare skin, but nothing compares to the coldness I feel inside, hollow and dead.
However, sometimes, I manage to see past all take, to revert things back to how they were originally meant to be. To laugh, to joke, without a hint of skepticism, to have complete faith and conviction that my fears were unjust and unbased. All the negative emotions in me felt worlds away, in a parallel world, nonexistent in reality. I could look past everything, and embrace the one I've forsaken.
Most times, the part of me that screams bloody murder, is the one that I show.
Deep down, I'm still trying to make sense of all this. Maybe I'm just not a friend worth having.
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