What If

Why is it then when every single time I want to just sit down, and start writing some stupid emo post I get pestered to help a friend out with something which then just jolts me out of my emo trance which in turn hinders my ability to rant on about retarded events in my life in which I twist and turn in circles as to never ever reach the point?

Reaching where I am today, it felt as though it's been a very long day. Moments of laughter, moments of sadness, and everything in between. Imprinted in my memory, only to be replayed over and over again as I succumb to the silence. A never-ending cycle, one that I'm hopelessly entangled in. The only way out of the pain, is through it. After all, short-term pain is better than dragging it on and on. In short, it's severing a severely injured limb. It feels as though the sun is setting, in the pink strawberry sky. Next, a long night of darkness. Until a new day begins, the night will never end.

Strange, so this is what it feels to be dead inside. It feels as though I've been reacquainted with a long lost friend. Feels as though I'm back where I belong. After all, I'm nothing but second best. Always have been, and it seems, always will be. Funny how I couldn't even recognise a friend of mine till he snapped his fingers at me and said "You look half dead". Yeah, I probably am.

I'm not superhuman, I'm just who I am. I try my best but that's all I can do.

True, I've wondered time and time again.
What if I had stuck with my initial choice back then?
What if I had chosen to study somewhere else?
What if I stood by my choice to study in a different course?
What if I had gotten that 6 year head start?
What if I had never sat in front of you that day?
What if I never bothered to care?

Life's full of what if's, but that's all they are. Questions without answers. You can never tell how life will play out, you just live it as it comes. Life doesn't come with a reset button. You can't just Save Game and Reload it at a later time had you made a wrong choice in life. You can't just slam the L1 + L2 + R1 + R2 + START + SELECT buttons to start all over again. No, you just gotta pick yourself up, and move on.

I will. End. Today. Without. A. Single. Happy. Thought. In. This. Dead. Conscience. Of. Mine.

Life has it's ups and downs, I'm caught in it's wake, miracles happen for those who believe in em, every second that passed was cherished, I'll continue living this life although nothing will ever be the same without you.