By Chance

Thought of the day : Now we both have seperate lives and lovers.

Funny how if this was me barely a week ago, I'd already have spiraled into a whirlpool of rage and pure darkness. It's perplexing at how one's view on life can change in a flash and all it takes is a little initiative.

In a way, it felt like one of those fight or flee situations, where you felt your adrenaline soar. I had the bliss of not knowing until the very final moment where I no longer had to stay in my place. Remarkably, a few seconds of realization was all it took to open up the crevasse of long forgotten emotion. Emotions back from a point in my life whereby it was the highest yet at the very same time, the lowest. I was happy but in truth, that was a mere illusion, a sense of false happiness. Happiness lies not in knowing that everything's going your way, but in knowing that whatever may come, you have the strength to overcome it. No, this is far from me trying to act all depressed bout it, it felt more like relief. I just know now where exactly my inner self stands.

Ironically enough, there was a time a month ago I thought I encountered the same situation. Back then, I just went black. And blank. Such a stark contrast.

Feels like I've come a long way in a matter of days. I'm almost pass a hurdle months in the making.

I apologize for leaving without a word. But I'm not ready yet. Soon maybe. But when the time comes, I'll be there with open arms.

Maybe, against all reason I've put this behind knowing that my time is yet to come. Which brings to mind the other issue, one I lack neither the strength nor logic to even contemplate a change in my perception. Nobody likes a living contradiction. (:

Heading off to the gym now, dang my muscles still hurt. :O