Dawn

Thought of the day : There's a fine line between being confident and being conceited.

I can't really figure it out. Maybe it was the song playing from my iPhone through my headset into my ears. Maybe it was just the rain today which has been relentlessly pouring since the break of dawn (mind you, it's 9.45pm right now) which somewhat reflected my inner turmoil. Maybe it was just that soothing feeling you get staring out the window of your car. Or perhaps it was an odd yet conforming mixture of the three.

But I realized something.

Throughout my life, I've been doing nothing but complain. I'd rant for hours on end about how much my life is a miserable wreck. I can't deny that I truly felt that my nonsensical jabbering was justified. I'd contemplate how unbearable it is to keep on living through each day as if they were hell on earth. Every waking moment ached with agony as pain pulsed through my veins. With the benefit of hindsight, maybe it wasn't my life that needed fixing, maybe it was me that needed to be fixed.

Every experience is but another opportunity to learn and better yourself. Three years back, I was but a white sheet of paper, so to speak. Unaware and devoid of all the harsh realities that life was. I believed the very best in everyone, till I was proven wrong. One wrong turn and I was so self absorbed in my misery. I had thought I had fallen to the lowest point in my insignificant life. Compared to what transpired last year, that was but a cakewalk. I was so obsessed with self pity I failed to notice everything else I had. Family, friends, people who actually do care what I do and what I think. I disregarded them, so convinced that I'd never be able to see the light of day again.

Yet, here I am today, three years on. My heart still beats and my lungs still breathe. I had lived through a prelude of what's to come. Two years later, a year back, was the true test of my resolve. Those who know me should have seen both the best and worst sides of me and the stark contrast between the two. I had gotten friends worried way more than once and unjustifiably hurt some of them in my blind rage. In a way, I experienced what one of my friends had only a year before that. I've seen what it could do to even the best of friends, I knew very well what would transpire if I didn't back off. I guess my infamous stubbornness got the better of me and I refused to budge.

During the short journey home today, I tried to reflect back on my past. There's no use in living in the past because it's all passed. I tried to figure out how I managed to reconcile the first rupture. It took a year to devastate everything and a year to resolve the problem and put everything back into place. Time played a role. Call me melancholic but I believe that how long it takes for it to break, it'd take equally as long to heal. Effectively, that will place this one a month from now, when I begin a new chapter in my life. Coincidence? Maybe. But everything in life happens for a reason.

True, I wasn't born into this world with a silver spoon in my mouth. I can't afford to flail my cash around like some people. Everything I have, or want to have, I need to earn with my own effort.

In that one moment, I managed to crack a smile. One from the heart and not just for show.

Life lesson of the day?

No matter how deep you may seem to have sunk. No matter how bleak your life looks. No matter who you lose. Never lose hope. Because after every storm, there'll be a rainbow. You can get self-centred all you want and focus on everything depressing in your life but always remember, you're not the one who has it the worst.

Because in life, you can bitch about it all you want, or pick up the pieces and move on.

You may think it's the lowest point in your life now, but there'll be one in the future that trumps over everything. Be thankful for what you already have.

Coughbrainscough :)

Friends.